Identity
by reminiscent-afterthought
Summary: I am Duskmon...or so he says. There was always small doubt, suppressed by unconditional loyalty. Till I saw him. Koji Minamoto. His light burned through my darkness, amplified my doubts. I hated it, but perhaps Duskmon was not who I really was after all.
1. Prologue

**Author's Note**

Okay, I know I said no updates, but revising non-stop for Arabic was really getting to me. Try doing 9 hours straight five weeks before your exam. Doesn't work. And it turned out most of my teachers were absent both Monday and Yesterday and hadn't left any work, and all the info for my ongoing stories were on the computer, and with extras, no computers allowed. So the only option I had was to start a new story, because I really needed an outlet.

This story shouldn't be too long. Definitely longer than **Pay your Price** though. And follows canon for the most part.

And by the way, I'm using the names from the English Dub.

**Disclaimer - **I don't own Digimon or any of its characters. All I own is the pencil and paper I wrote it on.

Anyway, enjoy, and please tell me what you think. Opinions and critiques are welcome. Flames...I'll use them to keep me warm in the fast approaching winter.

* * *

**Identity**

I am Duskmon...or so he says. There was always doubt, but so small that it was suppressed by unconditional loyalty. Till I saw him. Koji Minamoto. His light burned through my darkness, amplified my doubts. I hated it, but perhaps Duskmon was not who I really was after all.

Kouichi K

* * *

**Prologue**

There was nothing. From the moment I took my first breath of life, or the life that I remembered, I was alone. No emotion, no will, no power, no memories...an empty shell waiting to be filled, waiting to be nurtured by the ways of the world. Tabula rasa; an empty slate which the process of learning and experience would only fill.

I had no name, no identity...not yet. Nameless, faceless, I waited in the nameless void I only knew of as nothingness, waited for a name, a purpose...anything to tie my existence to the waking world and differentiate me from the nothingness around me in which I drifted in search for my anchor.

I was not nothing. I was capable of conscious thought. That alone set me apart from the nothingness that surrounded me. I was not without knowledge, but it seemed as though in matters regarding myself and my identity, I was woefully ignorant.

So then...who was I? Or for that matter, what was I?

There was another presence suddenly, roaring with life. A voice, answering my questions and ceasing my quest, anchoring my soul and causing it to cease its pointless drifting.

'You are Duskmon,' the voice whispered, sounding like sweet, soothing honey, intoxicating in a sense, oozing with raw power. 'You are a Warrior of Darkness. My Warrior.'

Duskmon? That was my name?

I tested the foreign word on my lips. It seemed so natural, as though I had repeated it countless times through a life of which I retained no memory, and yet, it just seemed...wrong, somehow.

But I ignored it. 'Duskmon...I am Duskmon.'

The other voiced his agreement. Or at least, I assumed it was male. It seemed as though all basic knowledge of the world had been retained, or else transferred, much unlike the memories regarding my identity and my past. As if I was reborn in a metaphorical sense, but not physically. But then...

'Before?'

'There is no before.'

No before. I did not exist before, or else the past is so insignificant that it is to be forgotten. Distantly I could feel a sense of untruth in his words, but I was in no position to judge the validity of the words which were anchoring me to the waking world with each passing moment. And that...not an emotion, as I seemed to be quite incapable of feeling such things...but that...feeling, for lack of a better term, was so small, so brief, that it was immediately squashed under the newly (or perhaps they had always been there) ties of loyalty. Unconditional loyalty. To the one who had given me an identity. And a purpose for existence.

'I am yours to command...Master.'

And with those words, I sealed my fate. The nothingness faded away, taking distinct shapes and forms. I did too, yet with my eyes remaining closed, I was unable to see my form. Light burned through my closed eyelids, burning, hurting...yet it was the dark shadow hovering above me that held my attention. My Master. It was then that I realised I didn't know his name.

'Who are you?' I asked, not distrusting, but curious all the same.

'I am Cherubimon,' was the reply.

Lord Cherubimon...

And with that, I allowed my eyelids to flutter open, taking in my first sight of the waking world.


	2. Chapter 1

**Author's Notes**

Hello everyone. First of all, thank you to everyone who read this story, to Kaito Lune and Journey for reviewing.

I've finished planning this story too, and it has wound up longer than I had originally thought. Anyway, its ten chapters long, including the prologue and the epilogue. And generally speaking, the stories I've planned out are the ones updated faster.

Keep in mind that this happens way after the prologue. And time runs differently between the real and digital world. So while the others have only been in the digital world for a few weeks, for Duskmon, who as Kouichi fell down the stairs and entered a coma while Takuya and Koji were still in the elevator, it has been a few months.

Also, when you're reading this, keep in mind that this is related in past tense, meaning there are some references to things that happen later on. It wouldn't be quite this detailed if it was writing in present tense.

These chapters are longer than my usual ones as well. Got a bit carried away. But eleven pages is not too bad...at least it wasn't twenty-one like that one time...

Anyway, read and review please.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Digimon or any of the characters in it. All I own is my writing and my personal opinion.

* * *

**Identity**

I am Duskmon...or so he says. There was always doubt, but so small that it was suppressed by unconditional loyalty. Till I saw him. Koji Minamoto. His light burned through my darkness, amplified my doubts. I hated it, but perhaps Duskmon was not who I really was after all.

Kouichi K

* * *

**Chapter 1**

I gazed up at the night sky from the highest peak of the Rose Morning Star. Darkness coated the broken and fragmented land far below, only illuminated by the three moons twinkling in the sky. Pink, yellow and blue...each symbolic for one of the three Celestial Digimon: pink for Ophanimon, representing her dominion over love, blue for Seraphimon, whose job had been to uphold the world's system of law and order; well, at least till his rather...shocking displacement, and yellow, the most ambiguous of the all...symbolic of Lord Cherubimon, and shrouded slightly in mist.

The castle itself was also illuminated by the moonlight, due to its rather interesting architectural design. During the day, when the sun shed light upon the rest of the world, the area in closest proximity to the Rose Morning Star was shrouded in the shadows that clouded its mysteries, shadows created by the exquisite twists and turns of the outer walls, and the mirrored barriers that reflected the darkness into the inner passages and rooms. At night, however, the moonlight infiltrated the veil of shadows, making the castle shine like the star formation it stood below, the light shining through the inner chambers and passages. Burning, hot light, illuminating all in its path.

That was not favourable to me, being the Legendary Warrior of Darkness. As a result, long nights were spent on the platform upon which I currently stood, the one place within the castle, save the Hall of Shadows, where the light of the moons did not reach.

I scowled up at the Digital World's natural beacons of light. The night was my realm, light had no business interfering. And yet, for all my innate hatred, I could not imagine a night without the light of the moons illuminating it.

And for as long as I can remember, each and every night has found me staring up at the three moons in the sky from my current position. Like a mirror, it reflected my confusion, the light that it reflected from the sun...and the darkness of the night, its shroud of protection, covered the coloured face in little wisps of grey, and at times like this, it appeared the perfect balance. Darkness and Light. Yin and Yang.

I guess it's true, that no being is truly resistant to the influence of the moon, or moons in this case. I wasn't sure how, as with most knowledge I had retained, but I knew places existed where only a single moon was visible in the sky.

It was strange, I mused, how the sunlight was instantly repelled by any obstacle in its path, while the light from the moon managed to sneak through even the smallest gaps to illuminate everything beneath it. And somehow, that light, unlike the barrier of light I despised, enhanced and amplified the darkness of the night as opposed to forcing it back into the deepest nooks and cranes.

But that didn't change the fact that it was light, and light was my enemy. As Lord Cherubimon has told me, and as I have accepted. It was strange, but I trusted my Lord's judgement. What sort of servant would I be if I doubted my master's intentions, or his words, or the knowledge he revealed to me?

My gaze shifted to the ravished land, even more so as the distance increased Like a typhoon, where the only place spared in the Eye of the Typhoon, the epicentre, in this case, the Rose Morning Star, and the land surrounding it into which the castle had dug its roots.

It was the edict of Lord Cherubimon, and the others blindly followed the orders, whether because they feared the punishment that came with disobedience, or in the hopes to achieve their own agendas which they had deluded themselves into believing others were ignorant of their intentions.

Humph...the only ones who were woefully ignorant were they themselves, their delusions of grandeur blinding them to their own failings and the superficiality of their endeavours. And yet they hesitate not to point out the flows in others.

Heavy footsteps shook the castle, but I payed them no heed. Grumblemon, the Warrior of Earth...I could easily recognise the distinctive sound of his footsteps, coupled with the frustrated muttering under his breath.

His footsteps were broken, erratic...they always were. There was strength in them, but they, like himself, lacked true purpose. His pride, his stubbornness, the strength at his disposal and his lacking intellect...they caused him to seek approval through simple-minded, occasionally rather rash and foolish efforts, and detest the help of others, though in all honesty, I, at least could not fault him for loathing reliance.

'Can't believe me get spirit taken. Me make kids pay and pay big time.'

And now he had returned after another failed effort, although I could sense that something more than his own pride had been injured, especially since a spirit, or perhaps more, had been lost. Each Legendary Warrior had elemental sympathy to their own element, and to some extent, those associated with it. And the close proximity to the Chamber of Spirits enhanced that sympathy, the spheres which dwelled within representing each of the ten elements: Fire, Ice, Wind, Thunder, Earth, Water, Wood, Steel, Light, and my own element, Darkness.

The wind, earth, water, wood and steel spheres were active, though earth seemed less so than normal; from this small distance, I could sense their powers running through the walls of the castle. Darkness too was active, or so I presumed; I had not stepped out of the reach of the Chamber of Spirits for too long, and last, far too briefly, to be able to recognize a change in the intensity of the darkness I felt. The darkness, whether it was my own, the continent's, the night's, the sphere's...or even the power of Lord Cherubimon, they were all the same to me. They were darkness.

Lately, the ice sphere had been active as well, coupled with Grumblemon's success in capturing the human spirit. But it now lay relatively dormant within the chamber, far too distant for its power to be absorbed and spread by its sphere.

So...Grumblemon had lost the spirit of Ice. And one of his own. His beast present I presume, as that rather annoying accent still sounded through the corridors from the room he raged in to the platform upon which I stood.

Then another voice interrupted Grumblemon's rant, her southern drawn echoing via the water which was her domain.

'Goody. The beast of brains of duck has come up with another confident plan. Honey, you couldn't outwit a nitwit.'

Well, that was one way of putting Grumblemon into perspective. While he possessed physical strength, his pride and stubbornness got in the way of achieving a higher level of intellect. His pride and desire to prove himself propelled him to foolishly rush into action, never thinking of the consequences of his actions, and as a result, his recklessness more than often resulted in a trail of mistakes following him.

Though it was not as though he was the only one with faults.

'What? Who's there? That you Ranamon?'

'How many Warriors of Water do you know?'

Water...such a materialistic element. Attachment to foolish worldly things...a life which has no meaning beyond daily survival. Superficial and futile...a life simply confined in a narrow sphere of only skin and bones. Ranamon was the same, symbolic of the flaws of her element...but ironically enough, the strengths prominent in water as a whole were absent in her. After all, it is water that gives life to the dry land, which extinguishes the fire threatening to rage out of control and destroy all, that gives life to dormancy and end the fights that otherwise would go on for as long as time would allow it. But the warrior of water was not quite so forgiving; her hate, her jealousy, her envy, they had led her to the futile life she led know, and her futile aspirations to a unattainable love. And that made her weak.

'Now listen up Rockhead. Don't go sneaking around behind our backs trying to impress Cherubimon.'

Jealousy...she wouldn't dirty her quaint little hands for the small spoils that came from menial labour...or she wouldn't, but she was quite easy to manipulate in that sense. Her vanity, her materialistic attachment and aspirations led her to be quite a useful means to an end. Especially since her own superficiality blinded her to that.

But still...she wouldn't if she could help it...but that didn't mean she couldn't attack the failures of others. Though if anyone were to attack her own...well, suffice to say she never liked that, though she did have a certain way of getting under others' skins.

'You back off. What I do is now business of you.'

Pride...and his desire to prove himself in the eyes of others. Ranamon seemed to hit a nerve, had digimon anatomy had that parallel to humans. His pride, which caused to retaliate in such a weak response...which caused him to foolishly rush into battle and consequently lose all he had gained and more, which didn't allow him to seek the help of others when he needed it. Pride, which ultimately led to his downfall.

'Well, aren't thou sacred?'

'Mercurymon.' Warrior of Steel.

Steel...an element that appears tough and endearing at face value, but battered down by the surrounding elements, and in the end, simply a reflection of the outside world, shaped and prepared for public display. Mercurymon...he is empty in essence, simply reflecting those around him, their strengths...and their weaknesses. He studies, absorbs knowledge, and uses it to his advantage...but he lacks the uniqueness and individuality that sets each apart from another. He fights with intellect rather than brute strength, choosing to strike only when the result will benefit him greatly, leaving the more menial labour for the more expendable barriers.

In that sense he is...well, was powerful, smart and with the power of more than one element at his disposal, but it is all empty without the identity that would set him apart. The thing that differentiates the shadow from the real thing. The uniqueness which eventually led to his ultimate defeat.

An identity which I too am partly lacking, in a different sense.

'Thy thoughtless acts reflect badly on us. Thou should study an opponent first, not foolishly rush into battle.'

That was his way; study, before battle. His strength...and his weakness, because the future cannot be written in ink before it has come to pass, in which case it is no longer the future. Steel is supposed to be malleable, adjustable, but his hours of study and strategising in order to achieve his goals hardened the steel from which he was fashioned from. He could not, and would not, be able to adjust to potentially new situations when the time came, and it was that lack of adaptability that ultimately led to his downfall.

'Got that right.'

'Arbomon.' Warrior of Wood.

Wood...symbolic of change. Barring both darkness and light, it is probably the element closest to the celestials, as Arbomon's bio-rhythms are quite in tune with the lining of the three moons. Though, apart from that, he is the one I find most contradictory to his own element. Wood is symbolic of prosperity, life and fortune, all three of which its warrior is severely lacking. He searched for change, yes...but his search simply led him to rotting decay...and defeat.

He tried to remake a past already carved into the bark of trees, already held down by the roots of the plants that grew on the land. He tried to hide his insecurity by enhancing his physical strength, tried, much like Grumblemon, to prove himself...tried to prove himself by struggle and the fruit of his own sweat...and thus fell himself.

'Yo. Want us to ruffle them up for ya?'

I shook my head lightly, in what would have been amusement could I feel it. So like Grumblemon...looking at brute strength to solve any problem. Alone, strength was nothing. It was hollow, empty, and simply that. Nothing.

Meaningless. It was all meaningless.

'Enough. Our circle is complete.'

Their circle was complete with the four of them. Earth, water, wood and steel. Darkness enveloped them, but for the most part, stood apart from them. Four elements. Four digimon, united by their strives towards their own agendas, and their alliance with Lord Cherubimon in order to achieve that.

'What about Duskmon, Warrior-'

'Oh please Sugah. He wouldn't join us in a million years.'

...because there was that undeniable barrier between us, between me and them. I had always been different from them. They were digimon, simply fashioned by data, but I was different. I was something more...or less. I did not know. I did not know who I truly was. I was Duskmon, yes, but the name still sounded wrong on my tongue, despite the months that had passed since my 'rebirth'. But at that point it didn't matter. I was Duskmon, the Legendary Warrior of Darkness, and that was all.

'He hath no heart for battle, and doeth little more than stare at the moons. We shall rule this world, while his only domain will be the world he sees with the depths of his eyes.'

They laughed, part in amusement and part in scorn, before silence once more filled the castle. They saw me as an outsider. My actions and decisions set me apart from them. Apart from everything. For the most part, I was content to wait and watch from the shadows, making little to no attempt to interfere with the happenings of the rest of the world. Not happy mind you, nor even fulfilled, but I was content to wait. Patience was a virtue, and the way of darkness.

The other warriors, whether the other four, engrossed in their own superficial aspirations, or the human children that had been called and guided to the five remaining spirits by Ophanimon, only knew their respective elements at face value. The other five I only knew by the intensity of their respective spheres in the Chamber of Spirits, and the recounts of various battles and journeys from quite biased, and occasionally contradictory sources, sometime, so much so that no weight could be put on their assumptions. And of course, each recount is given in the subjective bias of their own judgement.

And thus my assumptions, from the lack of any interaction with me, came from the opaque light from the spheres, measured against the darkness of my own, luminescent one. My eyes traced the shadowed paths created by the dimming moonlight shining upon a land soon to be ruined by war.

Such a shame. It was really quite beautiful.

Immediately, I wondered where that thought had come from. It wasn't as though I was emotionally attached to this place, despite spending my entire remembered life in it. Why should I care if this place crumbled with the rest of the world? I lived here, yes, but it was empty. It lacked substance.

Scowling, I looked to the horizon, where the sun was beginning to infiltrate the barrier of the night. I turned and walked into the castle, shadows coming to life on the walls as the light from the sun eradicated the moonlight that previously had illuminated these corridors.

The darkness was soothing, numbing. I was confused, and curious, but not enough so that I felt the need to search for answers to sate me. Such a search would be as useless and superficial as everything else. I was a Warrior of Darkness. The Warrior. My purpose, my reason for existence, was simply to serve the emancipator of Darkness. Lord Cherubimon. There was nothing more.

Though it didn't change the slight dissatisfaction that existed...and doubt.

But it was inconsequential For now at least.

* * *

Cherubimon's castle was like a labyrinth. Through the various twists and turns I walked, with no real destination in mind. During the long days, I occasionally collected small bits of fractal code, or else builded up my strength in my own way. I had never set foot on the battlefield; a fact that the other warriors scorned me for.

If only because no opponent was really worth my time. I fought but rarely, as the small victories that ensured gave me no satisfaction. Death snuck upon them like a silent shadow, and in the moment it took for them to react, their life was over, and their fractal code scanned.

The digi-eggs were spared, but not because of mercy. Mercy was not the way of darkness. But it is simply the way of all life: destruction...and rebirth. The digi-eggs, the amassed fractal code, they were simply tools for rebuilding a chaotic world.

Though I did not know exactly what Cherubimon planned to do.

But that's beside the point. As things stood, it mattered not to me either way. The world progressed, and for the most part, I stood apart from it. I simply did as I was commanded. At that time, disobedience and failure were concepts inconceivable.

Apparently, others disagreed.

'Mercurymon. Hello. Anyone in there?'

I had come to one of the inner chambers, in which the pillars twisted up to the high ceiling like gnawed trees. Ranamon was perched on one of its 'branches', hanging upside down and looking expectantly at her companion. Mercurymon's lips twisted in to a smirk, but he gave no answer to Ranamon's remark.

Though an answer was not necessary in this case. The question was redundant after all, it was futile to bother asking. A rather fruitless attempt to strike up a conversation which was not simply necessary, and would primarily served the purpose of passing time.

'You holding out on me spikey?'

Spikey, meaning sharply irritant in temper and/or manner. An interesting choice of wording, hardly a compliment, and in some circles, can be seen as an insult. Not so much so with Mercurymon; his mirrors were hardly cracked with insolent slang.

And Ranamon was always so easily flustered. But having to stoop to picking insult to incite a response...well, her words after all lacked substance, as does any meaning in them.

Hence why I disliked unnecessary chatter. The lack of substance took conversations through twists and turns which only ended in a hollow, echoing silence, ringing with inconsequential words stringed into hasty and superficial phrases. It was devoid of interest, devoid of meaning; all in all a bankruptcy. And yet I remained in the shadowed hallway outside, listening, because my life was as superficial as all else.

'So tell me, what do you plan to do with the data you swiped from Seraphimon?'

Seraphimon's data? This was a new development, one that I had not previously been aware of. So...order too had fallen into chaos.

Interesting.

'I mean, you are plan to giving it to Lord Cherubimon, aren' you?'

A hint of doubt, though I honestly could not blame Ranamon for that. Especially since that data was most vital for his own agenda, and he would be quite reluctant to relinquish his hold on it.

Though doubt is always a weakness that any enemy, and even some allies, would exploit...

'Does thou doubt me?'

...such as Mercurymon.

'Take it easy. I was just wanderin'.'

Silence.

'Well?'

Agitation. Whether because of her inability to carry on a meaningful conversation, or any sort of conversation, with the mon she was infatuated with, or something else, it didn't matter.

'Ah...Alas. Poor Grumblemon. His search is in vain for young children.'

All their aspirations were. Their journeys were futile, but it was all they had. A superficial existence. But they had that at least.

I didn't. I was here simply because I was. Because Lord Cherubimon had brought me into this world, and so I followed him. I lacked an ultimate purpose to strive towards, and despite how foolish and futile the strives of the others were, at least they had that something.

But then, it didn't matter. My own search only came into light later on...

'Even if he found them, what would he do? The last time he fought them, the little brats took his beast spirit. Some warrior.'

Ranamon laughed. Loud, echoing...empty. Her laughter lacked happiness, and seemed forced, hiding fear. Something Mercurymon, as well as I, could sense. And we both knew the source of that fear.

'Thou should take care to speak ill of Grumblemon, especially when thou is yet to find thy own beast spirit.'

She was afraid, because she was not as powerful as the rest without her beast spirit. Without it, she couldn't do much damage...she might as well fight a solid rock for all the damage she'd be able to do. Water wasn't too threatening when separated from its element after all, evaporating into the very heat the air carried.

'That is a very mean thing to say.'

Though Ranamon would do well to admit her weaknesses rather than deny them and allow them to weaken her further.

'Tis not mean. Tis but the simple truth Ranamon.'

'When I want your _truth_, I'll ask for it, Sugah.'

What fools these digimon can be. Foolishly searching for meaningless pursuits.

But that was my life as well; empty, superficial, lacking substance. I was restless. But I waited patiently. Because he, Lord Cherubimon, had ordered me to.

I knew that one day, my turn would come. Darkness would envelop this flawed world, and the light, that accursed light, the source of all pain I retained memories of and much I didn't, will be crushed under the feet of darkness where it belonged. Whether it resulted in my ultimate destruction or my reprieve, it mattered not. The end result would be the same.

And so I waited.

* * *

Then Grumblemon fell. To the five human children no less, the spirits of Earth left Cherubimon's hands. The earth sphere dimmed in the Chamber of Spirits, as did the sphere of wind, and their power ceased to flow through the castle and surrounding land, their powers now in the grasp of others, far less, or perhaps far more, deserving. I was too ignorant to know. Besides, Cherubimon, despite his attempts to achieve the spirits, albeit rather indirectly, never gave off the impression of disputing their right to them. And the spirits are, essentially, useless without someone to wield their power. Power that was much sought after.

The other three warriors were panicked, and fearful, although they attempted to hide it from watching eyes. But subtle strains were demonstrated in their behaviour. Ranamon's was the most prominent, with her main weakness brought into light with the grail she so foolishly sought; her lack of a beast spirit.

A fact that Mercurymon was always quick to remind her of.

* * *

**Author's Notes**

Yellow is a very ambiguous colour, because it represents both happiness and anger as well as sickness and decay, warmth...as you can see, some of these are a bit contradictory, and varies with context and tone. It also represents two sides, ie. Happy and compassionate, as opposed to angry and vengeful, which is a good representative of Cherubimon.

The darkness cannot keep out the moonlight because the moons are essentially a part of the night, in comparison to the sun, which is a part of the day, and thus cannot pierce the darkness.

Battlefield in the sense of a two way battle, not in the sense that Duskmon simply defeats his opponents and moves on without them fighting back.

Duskmon wants to, essentially, live a purposeful life, or else not live at all. Right now, he is alive (obviously), but his life, as he says, lacks substance. Although he now has an anchor, and a physical form, he has no ultimate purpose to strive towards, unless you count destroying the light, which at this stage doesn't count, because the intensity of his will to destroy it doesn't emerge till later on.

One more thing. You'd have noticed that Duskmon is picking up the faults of the others, and thinks that makes them weak. He doesn't however deny that he has faults of his own, and to him, accepting this faults made him stronger than the others. I personally think that as well, after all, he did admit that the light was painful to him in front of Koji in episode...20 I think: "Brother, who art thou?"

And if anyone doesn't agree with me, that's fine. You are entitled to your own opinion, but this is just my view on Duskmon, and the other legendary warriors (only the evil ones so far).


	3. Chapter 2

**Author's Notes**

Hello again everyone. And thank you to everyone who read, and extra thanks to those who reviewed.

Finally finished my Arabic exams. I thought I was going to collapse on my bed by the time I made it home yesterday though. And now I'm almost home free, for now. Just internals, CAS, catching up on homework etc...and the GAT and UMAT exams coming up. Sigh...

Don't let me bore you with all that though. Just enjoy the latest chapter. And if it's a bit...um, weird or whatever, I blame Arabic (writes right to left, while English writes left to right, and the grammar is even more confusing). Still winding down...

BTW, I'm Australian, so the spelling of some words differ from the American English. Like how colour is spelt as color, symbolises as symbolizes etc. I obviously use the Australian way, so if anyone who is used to the American spelling picks these up, that the reason why.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Digimon or any of the characters in it. All I own is my writing and my personal opinion.

* * *

**Identity**

I am Duskmon...or so he says. There was always doubt, but so small that it was suppressed by unconditional loyalty. Till I saw him. Koji Minamoto. His light burned through my darkness, amplified my doubts. I hated it, but perhaps Duskmon was not who I really was after all.

Kouichi K

* * *

**Chapter 2**

Time passed. The other three became increasingly agitated by their inability to defeat the five humans who had inherited the spirits of the remaining legendary warriors: Fire, Wind, Thunder, Ice...and Light, probably my greatest weakness at that time.

Fire...so passionate and ever changing, ever transforming...both a strength and a weakness, depending on how one chose to look at it. It was a strength in terms of unpredictability of actions and strength in motivation and character, but it became a weakness when one's heart ruled one's head, especially when such recklessness was the cause of endangerment...or worse.

Wind...symbolic of wisdom, freedom, and in a sense, insecurity. The fiercer gales are representative of determination, and to the more extreme extent, stubbornness. The gusty storms demonstrated stress and turmoil, but also the energy that promotes change. And there are all the myths about where the wind blows...mostly references to the changing winds of luck and destiny. It was an element driven my others; its strength came from the collective support. After all, the wind was only strong when pushing by a force. Elsewise, it was simply particles of air hovering about.

Thunder...they were symbolic of pent up emotions in need of an outlet. Another indication as to the obstacles that such human emotions provided...a concept which at that time was largely foreign to me, as I was at that point, not in any way capable of feeling anything beyond a dull echo in which my minuscule doubts reside, quelled at that time by unconditional loyalty. It was powerful, thunder...but it lacked self control. It was rather akin to a dam or boiler ready to burst if pushed hard enough, but without that push, it was weak, hiding in the dark. Despite the fact that it was a Yang element. In fact, all of theirs were. We, Cherubimon's warriors, were Yin.

Ice...frozen emotions, transformation, purification, and that childish naiveté and innocence that a champion hybrid should have long outgrown. Or out-evolved...more references to human biology, though I wasn't really curious to know at that point why I had that knowledge anyway. It was, after all, useless in the world vision of that time. But anyway...frozen emotions were both good and bad in a way; good because they wouldn't interfere, and bad because they would. Rather contradictory...but things can't always be seen in logical terms. They were not as straight forward as simple equations. After all, mathematics was one of the foundations upon which data was build, and this world was in essence, made up of data.

And then there was light. The antonym of darkness...he, the warrior, was my antonym, and as Lord Cherubimon told me, my enemy...at least, then he was. They all were, but as I was yet to meet them face to face, they meant little to me. And I fathomed that if they were as superfluous as the other warriors, they would be just as easy to predict.

Light...profound insight, sightless hope, mercy...opposite everything darkness stands for. Light symbolised accumulated knowledge, but it was darkness who symbolised wisdom, depth on understanding while light grazed the surface. Mercy was the way of light, but far too often it ended in ruins. Darkness chose the way of justice instead; the fairness that held the chaos of the world in check with a stern hand, while the mercy and foolish compassion of light let it all run wild...even now, I sometimes think, that no matter how cold light is, it can sometimes be too merciful, to the cost of others. They weren't always the ones that paid, in the end...

Now, you might have noticed that I've given much thought to the failings of others. That is not to say, however, that I have, or had, no faults of my own. My own failings were things that I would not deny to myself, or even in the face of my adversary. And putting them on a hierarchy, I think that light would have been at its apex, being the opposing power to the bane of my existence.

How ironic that my greatest weakness later became my greatest strength...

...but I'm getting ahead of myself.

The others were tense, but Cherubimon at least, was not concerned with the fall of Grumblemon, nor was he concerned with his own warriors' inability to defeat the children who had defeated him. It was, after all, a part of his ultimate plan; a plan that would, and eventually did, come into fruition despite how fate tried to tempt its tide.

Not that any of us were aware of that at the present time.

And so, we all went about our daily business as normal, but as an outsider, I could sense the tension that held their far from fluid actions. I almost snorted, but repressed myself; it would have been empty anyway. Their doubts and insecurities gave them away. The only ones they were fooling with their little act were they themselves.

They each had their own agendas.

Grumblemon was proud. He wanted to be seen, to be noticed, to be commemorated for something that meant something to someone else, but it all meant nothing to him. He wanted to be the one others followed, others obeyed, because he had always been the grunt forced to do the menial labour. Ironic, because that was all his ambition had brought him.

Arbomon wanted change. He wanted to refashion a past that was already set, but all that it brought him was a decaying future. The past is past, but he chose not to let go of it, and for all that happened in it, all it is now is an obstacle hindering his solidity and strength. And no matter how much physical power he accumulates, or how much fear he instigates, he will always be the same deep down, a scared little mon always cowering behind fear as he tried to pull himself out of his own rotting bark and instead fell a further victim to the maggots waiting.

Ranamon was vain. She adored her own beauty, and the attention others gave her. She had her own fanclub, twisted around the digits of her little hand, falling over themselves in their eagerness to serve her. But she wasn't happy with it. She was a prime example of the superficiality of her own desires, and I think, deep down, she was aware of that as well, or why else would she be so adamant, yet half-hearted in her arguments.

And she had her eyes set on a grail that she would never attain. It was strange, she had many others that would have been beside themselves is she had chosen them, but no...she chooses the one mon which cared not for her foolish partakes and desires...Mercurymon.

The steel warrior was power-hungry, simply put. He wanted the world in the palm of his hand, but he was not eager to soil his hands for it. Instead, he took advantage of Grumblemon's pride, Arbomon's desire for change, and Ranamon's vanity and infatuation with him...or else, he had. But they had all crumbled to dust like their pointless ambitions and fruitless journeys. This world was a wild place, it would never be tamed. Time and time again, many had tried to do so, but in the end, they had all fallen. And now, the mirrored humanoid had also risen up to a foolish challenge, the knowledge he had accumulated in his reading serving to inflate his overinflated ego.

Lord Cherubimon had provided them with that opportunity. They were simply mercenaries, ready to abdicate once their desires were fully fulfilled. They were not truly loyal to him.

Nor was he overly concerned about them.

That thought made me stop for a moment, pausing at a fork in the passage I walked through. If Lord Cherubimon gave no concern to the others, then was I any different?

I knew the answer to that. I was different from them; there was always that unmistakable barrier. It was he who had anchored me to this world, and at that point in time, disobedience or abdication were inconceivable. Whatever doubts that stemmed from stray thoughts were immediately squashed under unconditional loyalty.

Though that didn't change the fact that they existed, deep within the deep echo of a heart I could no longer feel. At times such as that, I wondered if I ever could.

I set off down the left passage, and was only mildly surprised to hear muttering halfway down.

'How did he know?' Mercurymon scowled, punching the solid rock, barely illuminated in the shrouded light of the Rose Morning Star overhead. 'How could Cherubimon define that I possess Seraphimon's fractal code?'

The disbelief in his voice was obvious, and despite the fact that I could feel no amusement from a picture which to most others would surely have been quite humorous, I laughed, a short burst of laughter. But even as I heard the sound echo softly, before fading away, I could sense its emptiness, its lack of emotion, of substance.

Mercurymon could as well, only he defined the lack of emotion as scorn. Perhaps because of his pride...or his fear that he had not been able to hide his purpose from half of whom he wished to veil them from.

His scowl deepened, red lips twisted and the mirror that was his face gleaming in the faint light. I myself stood in the shadows, and I doubt from his position the warrior of steel would be able to discern much more than a darkened outline, blinded by the light reflecting of his mirror.

'I will not be made sport by thee Duskmon,' he snapped, his voice tense.

He was too obvious. Had he nothing to fear or hide from my rather...admittedly, sudden appearance, he would not have been so tense. But his body was more stiff than it usually was, indicating that I had caught him in a rather vulnerable but badly covered up situation.

'I was clearing my throat,' I said calmly. If anything, that made him even more tense. Proof of how bothersome emotions could be. Of course, now, I wouldn't trade the capacity of feeling any sort of emotion for anything, despite what it brought me, but at that time I was incapable of feeling, and thus the display of emotion I saw before me only served to demonstrate its uselessness, and to a certain extent, hindrance.

'Tis unlikely.' Indeed...but that was not the point. Such an insignificant remark had grazed his skin, or steel I guess...sometimes I used to wander why my thoughts seemed to address certain things in a characteristically human way. I was Duskmon, the Legendary Warrior of Darkness. I was a digimon, no shred of humanity existed within me, save that which came from my 'human' spirit.

Or that's what Lord Cherubimon said, and what I believed.

But still, had he not been so proud, and so insecure, that superfluous remark should have meant nothing to him.

A spared his expression a brief glance. The slight tenseness of his lips and the way he held himself told me he was awaiting a response.

I suppressed a sigh. It wasn't like I had anything better to do than waste my time with him.

'Well, aren't you self-centred,' I stated flatly, no emotion entering my tone, standing in stark contrast to the heat rising in his own. It was pointless in any case, whoever won this foolish argument, and we were both intelligent enough to be aware of that fact.

And in any case, it was a losing battle. My nature was far too shrouded in mystery for him to pick apart my other defence. Perhaps that was why he chose to change the topic instead of pursuing the directionless thread of conversation.

'Master Cherubimon noted your absence at the meeting he requested.' Ah, the meeting. Not so much a deviation from our original banter. He was questioning my loyalty; subtly, yes, but he was. I wondered then, if his fear stemmed from his own loyalty which wavered like the fluctuating wind.

'Just because Cherubimon gets you three to obey his requests, doesn't mean that you are truly loyal to him.'

He tensed further. I had hit a nerve, figuratively speaking. A ridiculous thought entered my mind then, as I wondered whether digimon had nerves, or neural connections as humans did. It was a pointless thought, digimon were capable of conscious thought, conscious and reflexive action, and feeling pain...or else, most were, at most times. It was only later that I got my first taste of the bitterness of pain. But then, all that existed was a dim echo.

'Bite ye tongue, ye black-adder.'

'Do you deny it?'

He hadn't, and I was mildly curious as to why he had not done so. Any lie of his would have been easily transparent, but it would have at least but his own self to rest thinking that he had steered me off that particular course. But his current actions just made his motives more suspicious. He was lucky that we, to either of our knowledge, were not been eavesdropped upon.

Though Lord Cherubimon's essence ran through these walls, and I was certain he could hear our words as well. Just as he heard everything else...

'You dare question our loyalty! You, who have never set foot on the battlefield! Well, perhaps the humans be too much for you.'

'...I see what you're doing. Getting Arbomon and Ranamon to do the menial labour while you wait for the right moment to strike.'

His slight jerk was answer enough for me. Which only seemed to aggravate him further, and force another fruitless retaliation.

'Strong words for one whose actions are so weak. You are a coward.'

A weak rebuttal. One which showed just how little he understood when it came to my own personal affairs. Which, to me, was perfectly fine; the less my own musings and news of my activities leaked into the outside world, the better for me. It was not their concern how I chose to waste my time.

I did not have to explain myself. Perhaps, if it had mattered, I would have been more inclined to...protect my honour as some call it, or else my pride. But it didn't. And so, I didn't either, instead choosing to simply turn and walk back through the passage I had come down.

Another thing that set me apart from them. Such superficialities mattered not to me, but the others, Mercurymon's own response being an indication, where always adamant when it came to protecting their pride. Indeed, the entire useless conversation could have been avoided had he not been so insistent to protecting his already injured pride in a fruitless attempt to hurt mine.

But he knew too little...and too much. Too little about me, amongst other things, and too much about other, useless things, as well as some which in some circles could be deemed beneficial knowledge. The reasons I chose not to step onto the battlefield were my own; I was yet to find an opponent who sparked my interest.

'Leaving to mope you molly-cuddle,' Mercurymon's voice called after me as I left him behind.

A moment later, his voice, sprouting its usual Shakespearean accent, floated up again, softer, but echoing all the same. 'He knoweth too much. I must keep my guard up against this treacherous ally.'

* * *

'Perhaps I should get out and fight,' I muttered to myself, gazing out at the barren landscape. It was still daytime, the moons were absent from the sky, giving the continent a rather different appearance. Naturally, it was physically similar, only small changes differing from its appearance since I had last seen it the previous night, and yet, the veil that clouded the land and blotted the light from the sun gave the earth, the forest especially, a rather anonymous feel, something that was absent as the light of the moons illuminated the area at night.

I gazed down at the stretch of forest, and far beyond it, the Dark Gate at the edge of the continent. It was this anonymity that kept most outsiders out of the continent; most chose to live in the comfort of their known emptiness than venture out into the unknown world. It was normal, most feared the unknown, and even those who did not were anchored down by the mysteries of this place and the connotations of the element it symbolised.

...despite the fact that darkness is an element like the others.

It was strange, that many so easily assumed that darkness was indicative of wickedness and error. They fail to recall, or else accept, that the very definition of the word 'evil' is disputable in itself. As with almost all knowledge, the meaning understood differs from one to another due to the unique perception of reality of each individual and the limitations of each finite mind. Simply put, what is perceived as 'evil' to one being may not be perceived as 'evil' to another.

And then there was the simple fact that light would not exist if darkness did not. And while few feared the light which illuminated their faults, many feared the darkness that veiled their eyes from much they never wished to see...the darkness that brought them the gift of sleep so they were reenergized for a new day...the darkness that they feared simply because of the mysteries it entails.

This place was familiar to me; after all, I had spent much of my waking hours gazing out into the continent. And yet, despite my constant exposure, the place still felt...foreign. The smooth platform beneath my feet was common due to the many times I had stood upon the even stone, mined Celestine, Obsidian and Rhodonite melted together and polished smooth.

It was a rather...odd combination, considering the situation at that time. Rhodonite formed the foundation layers, being the source of the pinkish glow that was identical to the Rose Morning Star overhead. It was a gem through which love vibrated, and in all honesty, would have suited the captive Celestial more than the ruling one. Love was, after all, Ophanimon's domain. Sometimes, I wondered the significance of it, but it was at that point, useless wanderings, and I never spared much afterthought to it.

Celestine was the stone of heaven, and it too was symbolic of love, though at a lesser level. It was supposed to be a cleanser, a purifier of the impurities of evil, and yet, looking back, I could see how the taint of evil ran through the crystalline structure, and deep down, weakened its foundations as the values upon which it was built was weakened as well.

Obsidan lightly coated the inner passages and rooms, being majorly responsible for the illumination of the castle with the reflecting light of the three moons, its glassy lustre forming a mirrored surface. It is also said to be the stone of the soft and gentle, and to block feelings of negativity, though I for one have never seen any proof of these claims. It does, however, project a slight aura of darkness, the absence of light from its depths projecting a protective energy into which one could simply melt into and become invisible...provided, of course, they fear not the shadows that keep them safe from harm. Despite its colour, it favoured neither darkness nor light; in fact, it chose to bear the face of neutrality, while almost all others chose one side of the other. Either the path of darkness and the decree of Lord Cherubimon, or the path of light, the one upon which those humans tread.

Together, they formed a barrier of peace, security and tranquillity. Or else, they would have, had the corruption not run so deep as to affect the very foundations. Of course, it was only after all of this that I realised that, and understood...the others didn't, they hadn't seen the castle as I had, hadn't felt the power running through my veins, spreading from my fingertips, the power of the elements, darkness stronger than all; it was, after all, my element...but most importantly, they hadn't seen the symbolism. As much as the nature of the castle contradicted Lord Cherubimon's facade, or at least, the one he projected at that time, the castle was still an image of his true nature.

I turned my gaze to the Dark Gate once more, and was only mildly surprised to find the silhouettes of five humans and two digimon within the barriers of the land of Darkness. Anyone else would have skirmished the borders, knowing the reputation of this land. And yet it seems as though the 'no survivors' information had either not reached their ears, or else had not deterred them.

But in any case, they had arrived practically on my doorstep. Light was my adversary by nature, but neither that human, nor any of the others were consequential to me. Or rather, then they weren't. But perhaps it was time for me to tempt the happenings of this world with my own hand.

'After all,' I mused, turning to re-enter the castle. 'Those young humans are beginning to become quite an annoyance. They need to be restrained.'

* * *

**Author's Notes**

The information on the stones came, naturally, from the internet and random books, and I chose those three in particular mostly because of their symbolism, and the pink-purple colour they projected once combined. The minerals are actually quite strong, so I don't doubt that they would have been able to support the frame, and when it begins to crumble in episode 16: The Swiss Family Digimon, and actually does pretty much collapse in episode 36: Ice Ice Baby, I chose to relate the weakening of the mineral structure to the weakness of the actual values that they represented, ie. Kindness and love to cite two examples. And because it was Cherubimon's castle, the majority of the power it projected came from Cherubimon himself, though the warriors did contribute their fair share, which is why Duskmon can feel his own 'tainted' darkness in the walls rather than the pure one. Though the elemental spheres are also influencing that, so Duskmon did get a bit mixed up. Kinda hard to pick up though since it is after all, written in Duskmon's POV.

With the element symbolisms, once again subjective, but that's what happen with first person POV. Light and darkness will be explored in more detail later on, but the others will only be scratching the surface, perhaps in the next chapter, but not too much after that.

And that brings us to somewhere or other in the middle of episode 20: From Dawn to Duskmon. See ya all next time.


	4. Chapter 3

**Author's Note**

Hi again. And thank you to everyone who's been reading and reviewing this.

Wow, two updates in the same day. Well, at least I got my files back. Yay!

Got carried away with the length again. Though I did narrow it down a bit, otherwise it would have been a bit too long. Though I personally think it makes more sense this way.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Digimon or any of the characters in it. All I own is my writing and my personal opinion.

* * *

**Identity**

I am Duskmon...or so he says. There was always doubt, but so small that it was suppressed by unconditional loyalty. Till I saw him. Koji Minamoto. His light burned through my darkness, amplified my doubts. I hated it, but perhaps Duskmon was not who I really was after all.

Kouichi K

* * *

**Chapter 3**

Six warriors clashed in a blaze of elements, wood easily holding back the other five. The other five, Ophanimon's Warriors, were being steadily beaten back by Petaldramon. It was rather pathetic really, I had expected more from the humans who had defeated Grumblemon.

After all, the other four warriors at least, had far more experience than these children. They wandered around half-blind, but perhaps while they lacked knowledge and experience that came from passing time, they had something more valuable which allowed them to strike fear into the stronghold of Cherubimon's warriors.

But so far, I was disappointed.

'Five legendary warriors, and that's the best they can do?'

And then, as if I had tempted fate, the tables turned on the warrior of wood. Within minutes, the attack combinations had easily diluted and conquered his own power, a particular combination of fire and strong gales of wind knocking him down and revealing his fractal code, which the warrior of Light, nimbly slide-evolving into his human spirit, scanned into the machine-like apparatus that held their spirits.

Fire and wind...an interesting combination. In the scientific sense, forces of wind serve to drive fire and cause it to spread, hence why bushfires sometimes spread rapidly over acres of land in a relatively small amount of time with fierce gales pushing the flame. It was rather elementary...but it was more than simply that. We, that is, Lord Cherubimon's warriors, worked alone. The other five worked collaboratively, combining their powers, covering their weaknesses with their strengths. And not only that, but they had something to fight for.

They had themselves, and they had a goal to attain. A meaningful goal, or at least, meaningful to them. I had neither, nor did the other four.

Perhaps that was what I found attractive about them. Take away their teamwork, and their commitment, they would not have been worth my time.

But their spirit, their conviction...they never gave up, not even when all the odds were stacked up against them. That commitment, that depth...it was something I wanted to fill the void in my heart, but sorely lacked.

'Arbomon, now will you give up attacking us?' asked the warrior of Fire, as said warrior sat up after landing in a rather undignified heap.

He would. He already had. He had nothing to fight for, save a life that held no meaning for him, and no way to fight for it, now what he had lost his power source. The human spirit alone would not stand up to five beast spirits.

I almost felt sorry for him...almost, for two reasons. First, that I was incapable of feeling any sort of emotion, and secondly, because even if I was capable, I doubt I would have cared for him.

And yet he persisted, in his, foolish, proud way.

'Well, uh-'

Perhaps he only needed someone to cut in. After all, he was useless to all else, including himself, now that he lacked the primary tool for rebuilding his past. It didn't matter that he and I were meant to be on the same side, didn't matter that I would essentially be aiding the enemy by destroying him.

He was useless, so he must go.

'Yes,' I answered for him instead, stepping out of the shadows which had shielded me from their eyes. 'He will.'

The other five warriors gasped in unison, as Arbomon picked himself up and turned to face me.

'Wha...Duskmon?'

He was surprised. None really knew me, save Lord Cherubimon. Some may go so far to say we share a conscience, and perhaps for a time we did, till they split...

...but I digress.

'Well, here comes the cavalry,' Arbomon exclaimed, though hardly sounding relieved. 'A friend in need is a friend in deed...'

A friend? I was incapable of friendship, of compassion, of loyalty. Those words meant nothing to me, despite that I was familiar with their definitions. All that existed for me was a void which longed to be fulfilled, and a purpose which eluded me. No, he was no friend of mine.

'...right?'

A hint of uncertainty entered his voice, as if it had suddenly dawned on him that my intentions may not be wholly beneficial on his part. A suspicion well founded, and proven legitimate upon my next words.

But his doubt served to further highlight his own insecurities. Had he no reason, he would have felt no fear in the face of one who he knew, or assumed to know, to be his ally. But he had, and he did, and in the face of any adversary, doubt would be one's downfall.

Little did I know, that it would be mine as well, in a sense.

But that is still a ways off.

'Wrong.' I confirmed his suspicions emotionlessly, raising my arm high, a red blade extending from it. 'Without your beast spirit, there is really no use for you now is there?' That last was said tauntingly, mockingly...emptily, still emptily.

'What are you tal-aargh!'

The sword slashed through his upper body in a vertical cut slicing through his digimon form and revealing his fractal code. I raised a dragon hand, scanning the data, and along with it, the human spirit of wood.

'Yesterday's ally is today's enemy...' was all he said, before he was gone, and a digi-egg flew off past the horizon, probably back to the Village of Beginnings where it could be reborn.

I let it go, tracing its path with my eyes, before I turned by gaze to the five Legendary Warriors that remained, meeting their shocked gazes.

'He destroyed his own friend!' The legendary beast warrior of flame.

The same reaction; everybody was so quick to judge, and that included the hot-headed flame warrior. The disbelief in his voice would have been rather amusing; I suppose the notion was unbelievable to him. So naive and reckless...as his element suggests.

'Who is this guy?'

Well, if he had listened, he would have known. Arbomon did, at least, mention my name. But these five were...something, to say the least. Something about them arouse my curiosity. It felt strange, foreign, but somehow I felt more complete.

But more desperate for answers.

I laughed hollowly, if only to arouse them as well. I needed, no wanted, them to fight and show me their power. For the first time in the life I remembered, I wanted something. For the first time, I felt something...some longing. And it was strange...and confusing, but a battlefield was no place for that. 'I am Duskmon,' I replied. 'Legendary Warrior of Darkness.'

'Well, that explains the outfit.'

Totally irrelevant, and if it was an attempt to deter or anger me, it failed.

'You have done well against by brethren,' I said instead, raising my sword parallel with my body. They were my brethren to some extent, despite the boundaries that existed between us. And despite that there was no love lost between us, I still, to some extent, accepted that, an extent that was growing smaller suddenly as I wondered why these five brought out something special that all others simply quelled.

'Let's see how strong you really are. Show me your power!' I moved my sword in a horizontal slash, darkness erupting from my strike and driving the energy into the ground. The others leaped to avoid it, but the red moon of energy still left its mark, a rather deep crater where they had just been standing.

'All he did was swing his sword!' The beast warrior of ice's incredulous words reached my ears.

'I've got a bad feeling about this,' said the beast warrior of wind. Wise girl, she at least, realised danger when she saw it.

'Come on,' the beast warrior of flame said. 'There's only one of him.'

I laughed again. Such a simple outlook. Of course there was only one of me. I worked alone, as did us other legendary warriors who followed Cherubimon. And barring that, only one human spirit of darkness existed.

'If we defeated Grumblemon and Petaldramon, then laughing boy over there should be a peice of cake. Remember, we're Legendary Warriors.'

How naive. Did he really think it was that simple. Simply charging into the face of the adversary thinking that they were invincible. It was generally the cause of much downfall.

He flew in, wind and thunder following behind him.

'Right,' affirmed the beast warrior of Thunder.

'There's no way we can lose!' Flame cried, nearing in proximity.

'Bolo thunder!' The large tank let loose a sphere of voltage, spinning in the air as it neared.

'Yes,' I whispered, tensing ever so slightly, before laughing again as the attack missed its mark. I paused briefly, wandering why I felt the need to do so, what it was that I felt, but I brushed it aside. Now was not the time to think about that.

'Laugh at this.' I looked up to find the beast warrior of flame reading himself for a physical attack. I eyed him carefully, before side stepping his punch and throwing him over my shoulder while he was still unstable from the momentum. Simple elementary; I was surprised he had fallen for it.

Four voices cried at one. 'Takuya!' So that was his name then. Takuya?

'You're weaker than I thought. I should at least give you the chance to surrender.'

'You can give it,' the human warrior of light retorted. 'But we won't take it.'

'You are proving to be very foolish creatures.'

That sentence pretty much summed up my thoughts at that point. I was surprised, but in a disappointed sense. They had something...otherwise I would not have felt compelled to battle them. But I had expected more from the humans who had defeated Grumblemon.

The warrior of light had not reacted to my last statement. It had meant nothing to him.

Interesting...in that aspect at least, he was similar to me. That much, I had to give him credit for, despite all the faults they, all of them, displayed. Including me.

'JP, Tommy,' he ordered instead. 'Switch to your human spirits.'

'Right. Slide evolution.'

Swirls of data cocooned the warriors of lightning and ice, shifting and changing them, till an insectiod human warrior stood next to a small polar bear. They hardly seemed more impressive, but perhaps there was more than I could see.

'Let's go,' someone cried. I couldn't distinguish who, my attention focused on the warrior of light as he brought his saber down.

'Lobo Kendo,' he cried, attempting to strike my head, only to be countered as I raised one sword in defence, easily holding him off with the strength of one hand.

'Each of your attacks seems to get weaker, not stronger. You must know you can't defeat me.'

I didn't mean that, not really. I wasn't so deluded to believe myself invincible. In fact, to some extent, I would welcome defeat; victory meant nothing to me after all. But I needed them to fight, for reasons I couldn't quite fathom at that moment. There was just something about these five...something that drew me to them like a magnet.

The warrior of light thought differently, though. That was to be expected; in some cases, appearance is far from reality.

'A little help here guys?' he grunted, in the way that demonstrated that it was a hard blow to his pride.

The others, save flame, moved in, responding with their own attacks.

'Plasma Pods.'

'Thunder Fist.'

'Frozen Tundra.'

The combination struck the ground where I had been standing, but I had leapt clear moments before, leaving my opponents in a confused huddle in the cloud of resulting smoke.

'Now that ought to quiet him down,' a voice came from the trees. I spared it a sidelong glance, seeing two rather small digimon, one holding an egg with Seraphimon's emblem grafted upon it.

I immediately turned back to my opponents; the other two were inconsequential, drawing darkness into my eyes and hands.

'Where did he go?' the warrior of light asked, before looking up and straight into the eyes on my knees.

'Huh?' was all he had the chance to say, before I released the energy beams.

'Deadly Gaze,' I declared in a monotone, red beams of energy blasting from the seven eyes on my body and my two dragon-like hands, striking the warriors who had been two frozen to react, and sending them slightly scattering. It was mostly superficial; I hadn't hit them hard enough to do any damage. I hadn't intended to. At this stage, I was just playing with them, driving them. I didn't want to destroy them just yet. They were something different. And I was curious to know why.

'Or make him fight harder,' the digimon carrying the egg added as an afterthought.

I landed gracefully on my feet, turning to meet my opponents as they struggled to their own feet.

'Your efforts against me are pitiful. Surely you have more power than that.' I taunted them, goaded them, all in the hope that they would show their true power.

'Hey...' The eyeballs on by shoulders swivelled to gaze at the beast warrior of flame pushing himself to his feet. 'We're just getting warmed up.'

'What?' I asked, amusement for the first time entering my voice.

'Don't take us too lightly you big eyeball!' Apparently, he found my amusement insulting. Of course, my display had once again been mistranslated. 'You want power. I'll show you power! Wildfire Tsunami!'

Flames erupted suddenly, enclosing me. I smiled, unseen. This was marginally better in any case. Although the flames did nothing in terms of injury, it had temporary blinded by sight and inhibited my actions.

Though it would only be a moment before those restraints faded away.

'Now that's what I'm talking about.' Flame whooped, evidently pleased with his small victory.

'Takuya, get out of there.' That was the voice of the warrior of light. I wondered again. There was something about him. There was something about all of them, but there was something else about him as well. Something similar. Something familiar. Something...defining. My identity? Did he have something to do with it?

He did, but I wasn't to know it then.

'Why? I just defeated him.'

'All of us combined weren't able to defeat him, and you think you did it by yourself?'

'Well...yeah.'

'Just come on.'

'I mean, I hit him pretty good...guys..?'

Their voices faded into the distance, as I extended my forearm, slashing through the fire cocoon.

'We are not finished yet,' I whispered to myself, my eyes following the direction they had taken. Normally, I would have left such work to Ranamon and Mercurymon; they were, after all, more than capable of handling it. But this was something I felt I had to do on my own. They had aroused my curiosity...I had to find them again and sate it.

But I still could help but wonder why the warrior of light felt so familiar. He was light, my adversary. Then why, from a heart I only now recognized the existence and functionality of, could I feel he was somehow connected to me?

And at that point, the doubts that had risen refused to be squashed, as they had always previously.

* * *

For people who didn't want to be found, they didn't do a very good job of hiding their tracks, especially after lighting a fire in a place where the sun's light never reaches. Within a few hours, I had tracked them to their campsite; on the way, I had wondered more, but had gotten nowhere, and I was fast reaching the end of my patience. I wanted answers. I wanted to know. I wanted to understand.

I held my sword at vertical, a burst of darkness bursting from its tip and alerting the three around the fire of my presence. The two smaller digimon were most likely hiding; that didn't matter, but two were still missing.

Three cries of 'Execute, Beast Spirit Evolution!' sounded immediately following, cocoons of data swirling around the three warriors, before fading away to reveal the beast warriors of wind, thunder and ice.

So it was light and flame who were absent.

The three stood at ready position, as did I, though none made a move to attack.

'How'd he find us so quickly?' the beast warrior of thunder asked, glancing at his teammates in confusion, and a hint of fear.

'Never mind,' I replied, though the question had not been directed at me. 'You won't have long to worry about it.'

'Why don't I find that reassuring?' the warrior of wind muttered, a bit sarcastically.

'It'll be okay,' the warrior of ice attempted to reassure her, although his own voice betrayed some of his fear. 'Just stick to the plan.'

'What good is a plan for all of us to attack if we're not all here? Guys, where are you?'

They were distracted, but I made no move to utilise that to my advantage, despite my increasing impatience. That would not have helped anything, though the tense looks they exchanged told me that this was not apparent to them.

The two absentees came running up, cocoons of data unravelling around them as they shouted out their evolutions.

'Execute, Beast Spirit Evolution. KendoGarurumon.'

'Execute, Spirit Evolution, Agunimon.'

The five warriors stood in formation, the flame warrior in the centre.

'This is it guys,' he cried. 'Attack!' before rushing in.

'Wait...' the wolf-like beast called, but of course, the hot-headed flame warrior payed him no heed.

Reckness...just as his element betrayed him as.

'I guess we have to follow Takuya's plan now,' the warrior of thunder muttered, which prompted a growl from the warrior of light.

'Hey, don't worry,' the ice warrior reassured again. 'It's a good plan.'

Naive...even these humans were mirroring the faults of their elements.

'Let's hope so,' the warrior of thunder growled.

'You're nothing against all of us together Duskmon.' I turned my attention back to the advancing human warrior, meeting his gaze calmly as he jumped into the air.

'Ha,' he cried. 'You want to fight. Here comes the worst you've ever seen!'

Flames emerged from his gauntlet, wrapping around his hands, before he punches the air and releases the flame balls. I easily side-stepped them, the fire smouldering in the dirt behind me.

'All right speedy, dodge this. Pyro Tornado!'

Longer tongues of flame emerged from his gauntlets this time, enveloping his body before concentrating at his feet as he launched a flying kick. I let it hit, my head turning slightly at the applied force.

I laughed, having felt nothing from that attack. He might as well have struck at air for all the damage he had done.

'You fool,' I taunted him, in the hopes that something could be achieved. 'Did you learn nothing from our last meeting?'

'No,' he gasped, both in answer to my question and voicing his own disbelief, and fear. 'I can't lose.' And although he didn't say it out loud, I could see the doubt etched in his face. _But how can I win?_, his expression said.

He lunged suddenly, throwing punch after punch at me, to no effect. I couldn't feel it...why, I didn't know. Perhaps the darkness had something to do with it. It absorbed, after all. Like a black hole, sucking in all energy that nears, letting nothing escape

'Well, Takuya's finally lost it.' The small, white digimon's voice reached my ears, as did the fear that littered it. I frowned...this was pointless. These humans were too wrapped up in their fear...and despite its irony, I was too in the dark to know the answers to my questions? Or what it was I wanted to know to begin with?

And my impatience was growing with my disappointment. Perhaps I should just dispatch them and move on. It was becoming as superficial as all else.

The warrior of flame backed away eventually, panting at the physical exertion. I turned back to him, coolly locking gazes with him.

'Finished?' I asked calmly.

The warrior of flame muttered something under his breath, frustrated at his own inability, before suddenly darting behind me. Mildly interested to know what he had planned, I let him.

'Attack now,' he cried, grabbing my upper arms.

'That's our queue,' the only female group called, before they were moving as well, wind and light coming up behind me while thunder and ice got into position in front.

So, they believed that 'attacking as one' was the answer. Interesting...but not necessarily beneficial. And it seems that they had forgotten that I was the warrior of darkness. Like how the darkness of a black hole absorbs all else into its void, I could absorb their power to some extent as well.

'It's over Duskmon,' the warrior of flame declared, leaping clear. 'You're finished. Let him have it!'

'Hurricane Gale!'

'Lupine Laser!'

'Bolo Thunder!'

'Avalance Axes!'

The attacks melded, becoming a large sphere of energy. I was somewhat disappointed, though what else was new? It was a rather...enlightening display, but light had no place here, in the realm of darkness. And so I simply sucked it all in, letting the power meld with the darkness that flowed through my veins, a slight cry escaping its confines at the intensity before it spread and wavered, dispiriting harmlessly into the air now growing thicker with terror.

'All right.' The warrior of flame cried, not seeing past the cloud of dust that had been kicked up. He was rectified soon enough, as were the others, simply gaping in shock for their inability to form any coherent words.

'He absorbed all of their attacks,' someone said finally, their voice trembling.

I turned, eyes sweeping past the others before turning to the flame warrior

'It's not possible,' he gasped, before I suddenly appeared in front of him. He stepped back; I compensated the distance. I was done with this game of cat and mouse. Better to finish it, as I always had, and return to my own futile wonderings. This was getting me no-where.

'You shall be first,' I said, extending a sword from my dragon-like arm. They had retracted after their use had been outlived, appearing after they were once again necessary.

'No!' someone cried, though I wasn't sure who, but regardless, I payed them little heed, raising the sword as the warrior of flame squeezed his eyes shut like a scared little child in the face of death.

In reality, that was all he was. I almost hesitated, for what reason, then I could not fathom, but I quickly pushed the doubt that suddenly overcome aside...this was no time for it. The sword came down, hitting skin and slicing through, but the outcry that followed was not the name that I had come to associate with the warrior of Fire, but rather...

'Koji,' I whispered, backing away. That name...that feeling...what was it?

'Koji!' The warrior of fire screamed, gathering the prone form into his arms, the name echoing in my ears. 'Koji...Koji...Koji...' I stared into his face. It seemed even more familiar know...in a rather painful sense. I stumbled back suddenly and screamed as pain racked my form, prominently where the sword had cut the other, backing up and clutching my head with my hands to blot out the pressure amounting in my skull. What was this? Why? Why did I feel this? Why was I feeling his pain...and my own?

I didn't know what exactly I felt; all I knew was the pain I felt. And with it, my confusion grew, as did my doubt. Something sparked, somewhere in the deep echoes of my mind...guilt...grief...sadness...anger...what were these human emotions? Why did I feel them? Why was I feeling this way?

I screamed again, hearing senseless words around me, as the darkness exploded. I surrendered myself to its embrace; I didn't want to feel. I had tasted it, the bitterness of human emotion, and it hurt. So instead, I allowed the darkness to carry me away, somewhere far, to soothe my anguish, choosing to sink into its black depths and simply let go.

But I couldn't, because I had felt these emotions, and I could not forget. The warrior of light...Koji...he meant something to me. Why else would I feel grief for a human, or guilt? And why did I feel this overwhelming sadness, threatening to envelop me, or the anger, threatening to explode and cause irreversible damage?

What was our connection?

I needed to know. For a moment, light shone in my eyes...painful...burning...but in an instant, it was gone, and I was alone in the void of darkness once more.

* * *

**Author's Notes**

Only one major thing this time. Everything else is pretty much self-explanatory. Just the light at the end, that was both literal and figurative. Literal in that it was DarkTrailmon, figurative in that was in a sense, the beginning of his 'enlightenment' and the beginning of him actually defining himself and the identity he longs for. The void represents how far he still has to go.

And if anyone's wondering at my take for Duskmon's behaviour, he's curious, confused and getting rather irritated with the whole situation and confusion with the sudden emotions, like the doubt that suddenly surfaced. So naturally, his actions too are a bit rash (like deciding to kill Takuya and spiriting away in the darkness), and his thought processes lessen in length.

And that brings us to the end of chapter 3 and the end of episode 21 as well. See you all next chapter.


	5. Chapter 4

**Author's Note**

Here's the next chapter. Enjoy everyone. And I'm halfway through this story as well, in terms of chapters.**  
**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Digimon or any of the characters in it. All I own is my writing and my personal opinion.

Now read and enjoy.

* * *

**Identity**

I am Duskmon...or so he says. There was always doubt, but so small that it was suppressed by unconditional loyalty. Till I saw him. Koji Minamoto. His light burned through my darkness, amplified my doubts. I hated it, but perhaps Duskmon was not who I really was after all.

Kouichi K

* * *

**Chapter 4**

Darkness is an element. But it is one whose nature is quite difficult to understand. It can symbolise nothing...and everything. Emptiness, peace, justice, mystery, corruption; its meaning changes depending on the context it is viewed in.

At that point, it was a void in which pain and confusion swirled. It had been awhile since I had come here, somewhere in the continent of darkness, separated from the world so that I could regroup myself. I couldn't be sure how long; time was relative when its measurement didn't matter.

Thunder and lightning crashed above me, far too distant to be worrisome. And so, alone in the darkness, I waited, doubted and wondered.

Why I was waiting, I did not know. I could have returned to the Rose Morning Star, but I knew that if I did that, I would be turning my back on the truth, and my one chance to discover it.

The truth. That was what I doubted. Cherubimon had told me I was Duskmon, warrior of Darknesss, his servant...end of story. And I had always believed him. But it had always felt wrong. I guess it just never mattered, till now.

I gritted my teeth as the pain intensified. It was something new, and foreign. It hurt, constantly, the pain only numbing enough for normal function by the void of darkness that I was now painfully aware of. And it was persistent.

I didn't understand, and many a time, I did not want to. It hurt, and I hated it; I wanted it to stop.

'I don't understand,' I repeated aloud, attempting to solidify the swirling mass of thoughts. 'I am not a being of mercy and compassion.'

I was not then, in any case. They were attributes that were implausible at that current moment in time. After all, I was the warrior of darkness, and mercy was not its way. And to some extent, neither was compassion.

So then...

'Why do I feel anything for this...this human?'

_The sword extended from my dragon like arm, swinging in an arc in the air, coming down and slicing through cloth and flesh. An outcry followed, one I had not expected, and till long after, shook me._

_ 'Koji!'_

_ 'Koji!' The warrior of fire screamed, gathering the prone form into his arms, the name echoing in my ears. 'Koji...Koji...Koji...' I stared into his face. It seemed even more familiar know...in a rather painful sense. I stumbled back suddenly and screamed as pain racked my form, prominently where the sword had cut the other, backing up and clutching my head with my hands to blot out the pressure amounting in my skull. What was this? Why? Why did I feel this? Why was I feeling his pain...and my own?_

_I didn't know what exactly I felt; all I knew was the pain I felt. And with it, my confusion grew, as did my doubt. Something sparked, somewhere in the deep echoes of my mind...guilt...grief...sadness...anger...what were these human emotions? Why did I feel them? Why was I feeling this way?_

I remembered, and then I wondered why those particular emotions persisted so, while others appeared in such brief flashes that they were inconsequential, and even then only in the presence of those humans...or perhaps only one.

'This Koji...disturbs my concentration.'

Before I saw _him_, it was only minor, negligible things, things that could easily be overshadowed and shoved aside for all its apparent uselessness. Life itself could be disregarded for all the futility it seemed to bring. But this human...somehow, he changed all that.

His face persistently burned in my mind, wormed its way into my thoughts. Persistently, stubbornly...there was something about him that I knew, but for the life of me, could not remember.

And what was worse, was that my concentration was severely suffering. His face, the nagging persistence and burning pain that had accompanied it...it had caused me to slip, to lose the control I had carefully governed for so long. And I had yet to fully re-grasp it.

'Koji...' the name escaped the confines of my lips as I raised my sword to eye level, in my mind's eye envisioning his image. 'Who are you?'

Lobomon, KendoGarurumon, the warrior of light, a human...but above all that, he was something more.

But what? I just couldn't figure it out!

'No matter,' I sighed, lowering my arm. 'I shall find out soon enough.'

Lightning stopped flashing in the sky, its last remnants fading away into the black. I closed my eyes, letting myself fade into the darkness of my element once more...and the confusion which was laced within it, trying to pinpoint a pinnacle of light in the vast sea of darkness before me.

It was easy; too easy. Later, I would wonder why it was so, but I was at that stage in need of answers, more so with each growing minute, so the concern was easily displaced. Regardless, somewhere, in the deep echo of the void which humans call a heart (whether human anatomy could be likened to digimon or not was anyone's guess) I could sense the presence which I simultaneously hated and longed for. Despised...because of the pain and confusion it brought. And desired...because of the answers, and identity, I sought.

It was as if my path had been laid in stone...weak, broken, fragmented, but presumably still leading to where I needed to go, in the end, though no end was in sight with the course of time spreading to far for any finite mind to comprehend. I couldn't say hope; hope was just another thing inconceivable.

I let my eyes flutter open again, taking in the black, barren landscape, before heading towards the beacon of light that beckoned towards me.

I needed to know, and I could not wait too much longer for an answer.

I quickened my pace.

* * *

I stared up at the formation before me. The Beast Spirit of Steel, Sakkakumon. Ten orbs were held in the air in a tree like formation, nine of which were insignificant to me. The only one that mattered was one near, but not quite at, the peak. Even from this distance, I could recognise it. The darkness sphere. And inside...

'Koji...' I whispered, before leaping into the air. I easily reached the height of my target, and with only slightly more effort, slid through the barrier around it and entered.

Inside was dark, but it was a different form of darkness. I've already mentioned that darkness symbolises many things. To some, it was nothingness, to others, a veil of protection. But this darkness, it reeked of sadness, sorrow...and pain.

I saw his figure, a little ways ahead, body tense, as if he too could somehow sense me. Whether he could or couldn't, I did not know then, nor did I give him an opportunity to display his ability.

'Koji...' Again, the name fell from my lips, naturally, far more naturally than my own name. 'Who are you?'

He whipped around, his own lips forming my name, or rather, the only name that I knew then, but he had only uttered half before I had snatched him into the air with a dragon hand, cutting off his air supply as his feet scrambled desperately, let subtly, for a foothold.

'I can't wait any longer,' I grounded out, teeth gritted against the constant onslaught of confusion and pain. 'I need to know. What is our connection? Why do I feel like I know you...and why did you come to this world?'

The questions tumbled from my lips, almost without conscious thought. It showed just how far my desperation, my desire reached...my need to know and rid myself from the confusion and pain that plagued me.

I didn't give him a chance to reply, before I reached instinctively for the darkness which swirled at my fingertips, drawing it in before concentrating it at a pressure point between the other's wide blue eyes.

'Give me your memories...now!'

The darkness, upon command, exploded. I searched through countless memories, most of which at the time were useless to me, before pausing at one.

Through his eyes, I saw what looked like a flower shop, rows of flowers decorating the window for passerby's to look at. His, and my, eyes swept over the assortment of flowers, and behind them, his scowling reflection in the window mirror.

A young woman suddenly appeared before us, beaming in a way we both found rather irritating, for separate reasons.

'Hi,' she said in a boisterous voice. 'Looking for a present for someone?'

'Uhh...' he mumbled, backing away, part in shyness, part in annoyance. Or else, I assumed he had backed away, as more of the shop had come into view, as though zooming out a lens.

'It's for your mother, right?' she continued, oblivious to the boy's attitude.

'Kinda...'

He sounded doubtful, as though the mother she referred to and the one he meant were not one and the same. There was also a hint of sadness it, akin to my own, and though it hurt, I needed to know. I filed that knowledge away to search for another clue when the opportunity arouse.

But one thing at a time.

'I'm not a witch or anything. I just like to guess that stuff. Do you want some help?'

'Uh, yeah.'

'Oh I love my job. All right, let's find something really pretty...'

Distantly, I could hear the boy's screams as I searched through his mind, but I blotted them out, intent on my task.

The lady now stood behind the counter, holding the bouquet closed with one hand, while the other fiddled with a red ribbon which hung from the ceiling.

'Let me guess,' she said, straightening the ribbon. 'Birthday...no, anniversary.'

'Their anniversary's today. How'd you know that?'

His tone held a hint of shock, but still possessed the underlined sadness with the facade of anger trying to cover it. To any outsider, I would presume it would come across as anger, but looking through his own eyes showed what was hidden underneath.

And there was far too much sadness for my liking.

'I don't know,' the lady replied to the question asked. 'It's my own little game. So what, ten or fifteen years?'

'Actually, it's three years.'

Again, that sadness, that anger hiding it, and only partially because of invasion into his own personal matters.

'Three years. How wonderful for them. Wait a minute, you must be at least twelve, so why have your parents only been married for three years, huh...'

Whatever reaction that would have instigated was interrupted by the beeping of a cellular phone. He pulled it out, bringing the message into his vision, and mine.

'Koji? Are you there?'

'What is this?' he asked, voice a mix between annoyance, coldness and the remnants of lingering sadness.

'This is part of a game,' a female voice replied. Ophanimon's. I recognized that voice from the Rose Morning Star. 'A test to determine your future.'

'My future?'

'Yes. Are you willing to play?'

Two choices were shown: yes and no. For a moment, he paused, and the images of a man and woman flashed before my eyes, followed by another, more sickly woman, who was vaguely familiar...

'Very good.' He had made his choice during my musing. 'Get to Shibuya Station by six. Take the elevator to the basement.'

He turned towards the time, and we both read the face of the clock. 5:15.

'But...I have to go to my...'

He seemed suddenly panicked, as if he had to do something important

'Flowers are ready,' the lady interrupted, holding out the bouquet.

He glanced hurriedly between them, too fast for me to discern any specific physical properties from my surroundings, before he made his choice.

'Aargh, I'll pick them up later, okay?'

'Oh, okay.'

The screaming echoed once more in my ears, as it seemed time was fast forwarded, and I know looked out into a relatively crowded train, doors.

'What am I doing here? How can this determine my future?' he muttered, sounding doubtful.

The doors were closing...

He blinked, obscuring my vision for a moment, before it refocused on the boy in red who had jumped in at the last possible moment...

'What is this?' I whispered, turning my head slightly. Something about that scene sparked something within my mind, and I was suddenly seeing it through another set of eyes, staring at the two boys through a haze of pain that grew steadily and threatened to cloud me entirely. Pain, for whatever reason, I did not know.

'Uhh...what is this horrible human emotion?'

And then I was running after someone, crashing into an elevator, catching sight of a black haired boy in the reflective surface, blue eyes gazing out in desperation...who..?

'His sadness...overwhelming...'

The words escaped from my lips as the memories flashed through my mind like pictures in a film in rapid succession, voices overlayed in the speed of my recollections. But the emotions persisted, sorrow being one of the scarce few I recognised.

'Why am I even affected? Why should I care about him, or his parents? What is this connection?'

Why should his relationship with his parents concern me? Digimon did not have parents, nor families; they were human concepts. So then, why did I feel this way? Why did I feel that this somehow concerned me, even when I was so sure it could not?

I snapped back to reality at the sound of _his_ human voice, yelling at me.

'Get out of my head Duskmon,' he growled, almost feral. 'Leave my memories alone!'

I couldn't do that. Not yet. Though I knew now why he was here, it was not enough. That familiarity, that connection, that memory...I still had to know, even though my own head felt it was going to split open from the pressure.

'Silence!' I thundered, increasing the onslaught of darkness.

His screams echoed in my ears once more as well as my own, and then I was staring, quite miserably, at a photograph in a frame. It was the man and woman from before, with him, with Koji, though none looked happy. It was as if the camera itself had photographed a moment of sadness.

He flipped the image, the other side revealing itself to be the other woman. The one who was familiar, who was so much like _him_ in what they were doing to me.

There was a sound of knocking on wood, then a voice. 'Koji.'

'Yeah?'

He looked up, showing me a rather plain room, a guitar leaning against the door, walls painted light blue.

'Coming in.' The door opened, revealing the man in the photograph and previous memory, sorrow and a hint of sternness in his gaze. 'Your mum's photo. I haven't seen that in a long time...'

His voice trailed off in sadness, and guilt. For reasons then I could not fathom, I felt anger at that reaction, but my thirst for knowledge heavily overweighed that.

'Son...,' he continued. 'I know it's been hard for you since your mum died, but you need to accept your step-mum.'

His gaze, along with mine, shifted to his lap. 'Oh...But she's not my mum! She'll never be. Besides, I don't need a mother anymore.'

That was said in bitterness, many emotions underlining it, figuratively tripping over one another for a chance to surface and dominate. They were his emotions, but they were overwhelming me, pressing, suffocating, painful...

'I don't want this burden. This is his struggle!'

Why should all this concern me? Why did it matter to me? Because it was undeniable that somehow, it did. It all did. But it was causing so much pain. I hated it. I wanted things to go back to how they were before. Back when all was emptiness, where pain and confusion and all these other emotions were inconceivable.

'I don't want to feel this pain anymore. I've got to put an end to this, now!'

I let go, and distantly, I heard his body land softly on the ground. It hurt...it hurt so much. This was his pain! I didn't want to feel it.

I backed away, clutching my head, screaming and trying to push aside the onslaught of pain that I was suffering through. It hadn't answered all my questions; I still didn't understand.

'Duskmon.'

Lord Cherubimon...

'You hesitate.'

Yes...I did, and I was yet to understand why. I was a warrior of darkness; mercy was not my way. And yet...I was unable to destroy him. Unable to dispatch him when I had been presented by not one, but two chances.

'You alone possess the spirit of darkness. To realise its full power, mercy cannot exist.'

Yes, mercy could not exist. It was not the way of darkness, mercy belonged to the light.

'Remove this obstacle at once!'

The light, which I must destroy to end my own suffering. The obstacle that stood between me and my reprieve and peace from the emotions that plagued me.

'That's not what you really want Duskmon.'

Koji...he had stood, and was now staring at me, the confusion I felt appearing on his face in a lesser degree.

Was this what I wanted? Or not?

I wasn't sure. Some part of me did, while another didn't.

'Ignore him.'

Who was I supposed to listen to? My master, who had anchored me to this world and whom I had bestowed upon my unconditional loyalty till this doubt, brought on by meeting those humans, grew to a stage which I could no longer ignore? Or a human whom I felt a connection to, but suffered because of it?

At that point, the choice was clear.

'Listen to the darkness in your heart,' his, my Master's, voice whispered in my ears. 'Destroy this human, and fulfil your destiny.'

My destiny...my purpose...was this it? To cloud the world in darkness to blot out all the pain and suffering that exists in such a corrupted and fallen world?

I assumed so, at that time. I felt my body absorb the darkness that swirled around me: Lord Cherubimon's power, and it soothed me, quelled my pain, and my confusion and drive for understanding. It was a reprieve, freeing me from my suffering and restoring me to the way things were before I met these humans...and began to feel.

Suddenly, it no longer mattered. All that mattered, once again, was the duty that had been commanded upon me.

Nothing else mattered...nothing else.

'I will cover this world in darkness,' I proclaimed, raising my head to meet the blue eyes of my adversary.

'I can't let that happen,' he replied, with equal vigour.

He raised his hand, a ring of data appearing around it, and he brought his hand back down, scanning the data through the machine-like apparatus that held his spirits: His d-tector.

'Execute, Spirit Evolution. Lobomon.'

A cocoon of data encased him, before dispersing to reveal the human spirit of light. He immediately extracted his swords, swinging them as he covered the distance between us.

'Lobo Kendo,' he cried, bringing the swords down, only to be parried by my own. We exchange blows, him lunging and me blocking, and sometimes vice versa.

I suddenly swung my sword in a horizontal arc, and Lobomon leapt clear.

'Missed me O master of darkness,' he taunted, moving inward to recover the distance lost. I ignored the jab, as meaningless as it was to me.

Our exchange continued, till Lobomon swung his swords in an extremely vicious swipe. It would have been impressive, had I not been more than capable of holding his strike off with a single hand.

'Is that all you've got?' I taunted back, my back to him and looking over my shoulder at our crossed swords. 'Fight me.'

He scowled, before pointing his laser at me.

'Howling Laser.'

I moved my head, allowing the blast to disperse into the dark atmosphere, creating a small explosion of blue light.

'Very pretty. But I'm afraid you'll have to do a lot better than that to defeat me.'

'I intend to.'

Data encased him once again.

'Slide Evolution. KendoGarurumon.'

I turned around fully, as the beast spirit of light emerged from his cocoon of data.

'Lupine Laser.'

I raised a sword and blocked his blast with ease. 'Bad doggy.'

He growled, tensing as I swung my right sword up clockwise, my other following a downward arc in counter-clockwise direction.

'I'll give you something to howl about. Luna Plasma.'

I reversed the paths of my swords, swinging the right sword down and the left one up, till they formed a vertical path from the ground, red energy emerging from my swords and forming a circle of energy.

'You're going to be the one howling this time,' the wolf-like digimon growled, wheels emerging at his feet. 'Howling Star.'

He rushed at me with a burst of speed, and I parried, bursting out of my moon of energy. The two forces momentarily collided, darkness against light, before I easily pushed him back, ignoring the screams that emerged, changing as data unravelled around him, returning him to his human form.

'Anything else you'd like to try?' I asked coldly, once the human boy was left powerless and on his hands and knees by my feet.

Lord Cherubimon was right, I thought, watching him gasp for breath. It was the destiny of darkness to destroy the light. They could not coexist. All it brought was pain.

But there was something still nagging me.

'...got to do something,' he gasped out, voice shaking. 'I know it's not supposed to end like this. I can't let Duskmon win. I just can't. Not yet.'

I faltered slightly, my hand shaking in a subtle manner; so subtle, that it went unnoticed by the boy in front of me. Steeling myself, I pushed my hesitation out of my mind, raising my sword so it hovered parallel to his neck, ready to slash down...and end his life.

'It's time to say goodbye,' I told him, without feeling. 'Any final thoughts?'

'I'm sorry Dad,' he continued, as if he had not heard me. 'It hurt so much when mum died, I guess I'm not over it.'

A pause. 'I tried to do it. I'll go back for those flowers, it's not their fault.'

No...those words...those memories, they pained. The darkness had pushed it away, but I could feel the pain returning, and my hatred and loathing of it, for all the good it did to me.

'No!' I screamed. 'Stop it!'

Nothing change.

`Enough!' I brought the sword down to cut the thread of his life.

'I'm sorry!' he screamed, and suddenly, time stood still.

Light burst through the sphere of darkness, and only then, as I turned to stare at it, I realised that I had once again hesitated.

Why? Why did his life matter so much that I could not bring myself to take it, while I had murdered countless others, including an ally with no remorse?

And that light. It burned, it pained...like _him_, the warrior, and yet, like him, I could not bring myself to look away.

'What was that?' I asked, following its projector with my eyes. 'What is this hideous source of light?'

It was said in contempt, as the light hit the apparatus that had fallen from the other's hand, but there was something more underlining it. Something...another human emotion...longing. There was something about that light...I longed for it. But I hated it still.

The boy stood, holding the glowing D-tector. 'A brand new power source,' he murmured in amazement, before he too, was consumed by the luminescence.

He suddenly raised his head, his blue eyes gazing out from the harsh yellow light with a new determination. His hand swirled with new data, as he brought it down to scan into his D-tector.

'Execute, Fusion Evolution. Beowolfmon.'

A new warrior. A cross between his human and beast spirits. I stared, with surprise, and to some extent, fear.

Yes, I was afraid. Because my human spirit, despite its power, could not compete to a fusion evolution. Especially one who's element opposed my own.

'I underestimated you,' I muttered, as he met my gaze.

I had mentioned before that I could mention my faults in front of my enemies. This was one example.

'But I don't understand,' I continued. 'You were miserable Koji. What do you have to fight for?'

There was no malice in my voice, no hate, despite how much I hated him. For a moment, it sounded to me like that of a small child, who didn't understand the ways of the world and yet longed for knowledge.

'I have some unfinished business to attend to,' he replied. 'Maybe you're so far gone that you've given up on those you care about, but I've been given a second chance, and I'm going to take it.'

He lunged, and I moved to parry his blow, finding almost immediately that my movements were clumsy and ill-coordinated, as opposed to my usual cold perfection. Regardless, it resulted in our swords locking into one another, and it became a fight of brute strength as I struggled to retain my footing, which, due to the brief lapse that resulted in a clumsy position, was not as strong as it normally was.

Light enveloped him, and I could feel my own darkness enveloping me, although I couldn't see it. Staring right into his face, it was as though I was suddenly staring through his digimon armour, down to the struggling human boy.

'Who is that?' I heard him breathe, and I wondered whether something similar had happened to me. Naturally, that made me wonder what he had seen. I was a digimon. I was Duskmon, and that was all...wasn't it?...wasn't I?

But then I remembered the boy whose reflection I had seen, calling out to _him_, to Koji, and I wasn't so sure.

The conflicting powers exploded, and we were suddenly blasted off our feet. The force of the explosion drove us out of Sakkakumon, slamming me to one knee somewhere in the forest as my adversary fell elsewhere.

'Duskmon.'

It was Lord Cherubimon again. I listened, driving the insistent emotions and questions from my mind, once again seeking reprieve. A more permanent one, though I knew it would never come while darkness and light fought for dominance.

'Let the darkness embrace you. That is where you belong. Cover this pathetic world in darkness, and it shall become your kingdom forever...'

The darkness once again swirled around me, my body on reflex drawing it in. Once again, my heart, my soul...it was simply a void of nothingness. Emotionless, doubtless...

'Yes master,' I murmured, standing up, before heading in a direction I knew so well.

'My kingdom awaits.'

Yes...a kingdom where pain would not exist. Where nothing could deter me from my duty...least of all the human I was supposed to destroy. And for the third, time, hesitated, and as a result, failed to.

Next time...there was always next time.

* * *

**Author's Notes**

Just remember, the soothing power of darkness is very temporary. In the show, its power disperses quickly, and it does the same here.

And that brings us to the end of episode 27.

Bye everyone.


	6. Chapter 5

**Author's Notes**

Here's the next chapter. Enjoy.

Poor Duskmon. He's so confused now.

I was going to end this chapter when Ophanimon's symbol showed up and hit Velgemon's third eye, but then it was getting too long, so I changed the plan a little bit. So you'll get Velgemon's POV in the next chapter.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Digimon or any of the characters in it. All I own is my writing and my personal opinion.

* * *

**Identity**

I am Duskmon...or so he says. There was always doubt, but so small that it was suppressed by unconditional loyalty. Till I saw him. Koji Minamoto. His light burned through my darkness, amplified my doubts. I hated it, but perhaps Duskmon was not who I really was after all.

Kouichi K

* * *

**Chapter 5**

I ran. I could hear pounding footsteps behind me, so I knew I was not the only one running. And yet, we ran in the same direction. The same direction, but different reasons.

Or perhaps they weren't so different after all. After all, neither of us, at that time, or even now, could see what course fate had decided for us. We are, after all, simply pawns, bounded to follow the untiring will of destiny like puppets on an unbreakable string. But we don't know our path, nor are we aware of its end till its arrival, and that, I think, is what gives us the false allusion of free will.

For now, my feet were firmly planted on the only path I could see in front of me. At one point, there had been another, and as close as I had been to stepping onto it, it was now gone.

If only I could shake off the only remainder of it. Or else destroy it, as my Lord wished.

But I needed a more opportune location. Open field was not bad, all things considered, but we were both at an equal disadvantage here. The rough terrain was fragile in its supports, small rocks loose and dust being kicked up even as we ran. How easily one could slip and fall, and there were no strong footholds; if it came to a test of strength, as it was bound to, footholds would be needed.

Light and darkness were equal here, the moonlight of the three moons infiltrating the veil of darkness and illuminating the shadows. But as the night shall grow, as shall the light, while my source of life depletes.

Shadows obscured my vision, from both before and behind my eyes, flicking across my eyes in time with the constant throbbing of my head. The darkness was not strong enough to sate it here.

I could feel the ocean of emotion churn within me, but I couldn't afford to falter again. I wanted peace, I wanted a reprieve, but _he_, light, would not let me rest.

I gathered the darkness around me, letting it envelop me in its numb embrace, sinking into the black darkness and surrendering myself to its void, allowing it to carry me away, far away from the light that was my enemy.

But not even distance could make me forget. I hated him, for all the pain he caused me, was still causing me: the constant turmoil of my emotions...and yet, I could not disregard the connection I feel to him, and my unconscious reaction to his human form.

There was something about him, something that made a part of me reach out to him, even as another cursed his very existence.

He was light, I berated myself mentally, settling into the darkness of my surroundings. So he must be destroyed.

I took a deep breath, letting the cold numbness spread through my veins, even as a part of me protested, before being pushed down by the darkness as it ran under my skin. I brought up a hand to run it along the scraped bark of the tree I leaned against, feeling its fragmented, yet strong wood under what humans would call my fingertips.

At that point, I wholeheartedly asserted myself to my previous hypothesis; emotions were quite a bother.

Looking back, I remembered. Recalled how Grumblemon's pride had been the cause of his downfall, how Ranamon's vanity had degraded her to a simple marionette whose strings were held by the golden grail she aspired for, how Arbomon's quest for change had ended in the hands of one he claimed an ally...how I had been repeatedly held back by these chains...

There was no room for feeling here. I had a duty to fulfil; destroying the warrior of Light. And so it must be done.

It was as simple as that.

Or so I thought. But I had been wrong, so wrong.

But only later I knew how wrong I was.

* * *

Some time passed before I moved from my position and continued my trek. Soon after, I caught sight of an ancient structure, cracks running down the worn surface as domes of rock rose out of the ground, with the light of the star formation under which the Rose Morning Star stood reflecting out the small windows from the water somewhere in its deeper cavities.

From such a distance, the reflected light was weak, yet it was the only beacon in this continent of darkness save the Rose Morning Star itself. The dim glow gave the surrounding area a rather greyish appearance. Not equal mind you, the blackness of the day far outweighed the faint glimmer of white, thus resulting in a rather unequal distribution of photons; the brightest area being the pinnacles of the castle-like structure while the shadows cast by the large architecture highlighting the darkest.

It was currently uninhabited, but clearly a structure not created fully by Mother Nature. The walls that rose from the ground and the interior it enclosed was carved too perfectly for the forces of nature to be presumed to have done so, and while the water filling the underground space may have been a cause of such, the fine yet sturdy pillars that rose up at regular intervals to support the domes above were certainly not.

Towards the sides, there were larger jagged supports; these were perhaps the work of wind and water acting upon the rock. The water lapped softly at the base, but for the most part, only rippled in the breeze that whistled from small fissures in the wall, so minute that they were invisible to the digital eye, or human eye for that matter.

It was confined, and there was far more to use to one's advantage than open ground had to offer. The elevation, the walled structures, the water...far more beneficial to manipulate. And the darkness was far stronger here. Strong enough...or so I hoped.

I was nearly through a doorway when I heard the call.

'Duskmon!'

I paused, twisting around and seeing Beowolfmon standing on higher ground. I was curious to know he had found me; perhaps as I had been drawn unexplainably (at least then) to him, so had he to me. Perhaps something was drawing us together. Something, like our spirits; they were darkness and light after all. Or even the inexplicable connection that I felt between us and was yet to understand why...

Whatever the reason had been, it seemed as though destiny kept bringing the two of us face to face.

I raised my eyes slightly, meeting his brown ones.

Funny how in his human form, they were blue. An icy cold blue that shut you out. The brown orbs of his digimon skin on the other hand were warmer and projected a more inward focus. In fact, I could have spent the rest of my life staring into those eyes and still find something new in them. Had I nothing better to do, I may have done so, but I now had a purpose to fulfil, and so I broke eye contact and turned my gaze.

I could still feel his eyes upon me even as I walked into the cavities of the mountainous structure that rose from the ground. The darkness was plentiful here, specks of varying shades of grey scattered amongst the relative blackness, more so further up as the windows were outlined reflected light, a dull, decaying yellow amongst the dichrome surroundings.

The walls themselves were rather odd, built as two separate barriers, one encased within the boundaries of another to appear as a single wall. Between the two barriers was empty space, in which there was nothing. It was devoid of light, air...it was nothing, except a void of nothingness: darkness.

It dwelled between, and one could even go so far to suppose within, these walls. Pure blackness; through my skin, I could feel the humming vibration of its very existence, empowering me, neutralising me...

And neutralisation isn't always considered bad per say. It, like most things else, depends on the context in which it is viewed. At that time, I welcomed the numbing sensation that it reinforced; even as it was subdued as _Light_ entered, it, here, was the more overpowering element.

After all, darkness was in abundance, while only the faintest traces of light could be seen.

But not even all this cold blackness could soothe the savage beast when it is incited.

Hidden from him, I asked, sought answers. Even now, the pain, the pressing drive mostly quelled by the crushing force which overpowered it was still seeping through and infiltrating the smallest cracks in versatile armour whose one weakness was its incompletion. A weakness which stemmed from my own ignorance of my identity.

And it was enough. It was, after all, something that had to find its end. One way or another. And it didn't really matter at that time which.

'Who are you?'

The question echoed around the cavern through the relatively empty space. He, Beowolfmon, whipped around in my direction, presumable following the sound of my voice as his eyesight would have been greatly hindered by the lacking light. Unseen to him, I held his gaze, once more dwelling within the deep world of his eyes before tearing my gaze away. Of all the things I was uncertain of then, this I knew for sure: he couldn't see me, immersed as I was in the shadows. His light made him blind to the darkness that shrouded me.

I was sure of that, so sure, despite I lacked sufficient proof at the time to validate my claim. Although even now, with more than enough evidence readily available, I still stand by that claim. Blinded by his own...

'I could ask you the same question,' he shot back.

He could. Indeed, it was a valid question. He after all, lacked the luxury of knowing my own inability in answering it. And if I felt these...emotions, and this connection between us, no doubt he felt it too.

Otherwise, why would he have followed me?

Revenge could easily be ruled out; his brown eyes lacked the passion and bloodlust most often associated with vengeance. They lacked the raw, undiluted hatred and anger which drove a living creature towards relentless pursuit...and besides, if that had been the case, this exchange of words would have long been uprooted in favour of combat.

No, definitely not. He was searching for answers too; his body language betrayed him in that sense. So easily interpreted, like a child's picture book, so blaringly obvious images that even a youngling could interpret with ease.

But for what?

And since I could not answer his question, I simply asked another.

'Why do you follow me?'

His gaze followed me even as I moved in the shadows, the echoing decibels of my voice following like a bread-crumb trail behind me in conjunction to the path drawn by his own eyes. Darkness, light, then darkness again, the elements flashed as I shifted on the small narrow ledge as I looked down upon him. Literally.

I was no longer restless; it was not the reason for my movement. Once, I had thirsted for something substantial, something capable of piecing the exterior most would classify as cold and unfeeling. But then, once I had tasted it for myself, I longed for the reclusiveness of my reprieve where emotions were non-existent.

Even the dull echo of a memory brought pain. I was no longer ignorant of such feelings, and only once you lose something you truly realise its importance. Ignorance is bliss, especially now that knowledge has bestowed its harsh grace upon me. Even more so as my knowledge was woefully incomplete. Hence the sought answers.

'Because I felt I had to.'

Emotions...bothersome, but extremely powerful. Powerful enough to overrule rational thought and far more logical reasoning when it came to deciding many matters, some of which were imperative while certain others had little value.

This instance was most certainly one of the former; after all, the same irrational decision making on my part had brought the two of us together on the battlefield when we last met. The same irrationality that had spared him twice as of then, and was about to spare him a third time.

Then, of course, I had no way of knowing that, and save the pain that lingered despite the efforts of darkness to quell it, I knew nothing of whatever connection we felt between each other.

'Your presence is painful to me...' I murmured, half to him, half to myself. I wandered immediately afterwards why those precise words had fallen from my lips; I had been to some extent thinking about it, but I did not recall consciously formulating such as phrase, nor did I recall saying it, hearing the words echo slightly around me.

Regardless on the unintentionality of the statement, it was the truth. His presence did hurt.

Though it was tolerable at that moment in time, and subsequently irrelevant, although the revealed knowledge seemed to lead the other's train of thoughts along another track.

'Is that why you hide from me in the shadows?'

The way he uttered that question was rather...interesting. His voice had taken on a slightly accusative tone, with a cluster of emotions underneath which I could not identify, except for one: genuine curiosity.

It was interesting, so to speak. Two adversaries, mortal enemies, conversing in such a way as to sate general interest. Though this was about far more than that; deep down, the questions, the answers, the connections, the emotions...

Though I allowed no emotion to enter my voice as I answered. I had already made my choice, set my feet into the path I had chosen for myself, and I could not allow fleeting feelings and the confusion they wrought to deter me from it.

'It is not.'

It was the truth...well, sort of. It is rather difficult to explain, something that only feels concrete with experience. It is not something understandable simply through sympathy, or empathy, or any other emotion or feeling brought on by the process of retelling. There is always that substance lost through such processes. Ideally, the pure richness that exists in a first-hand experience is lost.

In a sense, I was missing that richness, and yet I could feel it at the very edge of my fingertips. It was disturbing, unsettling...and extremely distracting, as even my orders to eliminate him weren't enough to steer me away.

Then why?'

His tone was sceptical, but then again, who could blame him. Certainly not I; after all, there was the possibility, something that quirked his suspicion, that I was lying to him. After all, while concealment was the way of light, manipulation was that of darkness. So while he hid the truth in times he wished not to reveal it, I manipulated it.

Neither one, I would consider lying. But no doubt many others would disagree. To such people, I would say, where then would you draw the line between truth and falsehood? For there is no doubt that distinctions do exist, however the position of such a barrier on a spectrum of knowledge is relative. Even things many consider absolute are relative, if only because of the relativity of its definition.

Regardless, this conversation had long since swayed from that between two foes. On the subconscious level, it was far deeper, far more acute yet significant than any other words I had ever spoken or heard in the life I fully remembered.

And although how much I internally mused about all that I had, a part of me was inexplicably drawn to him, and him to me.

And so I answered, in the one word which could explain it.

'Destiny...'

'Destiny?'

The same word, two different tones. One contemplating, but otherwise devoid of emotion, while the other held natural curiosity, scepticism...and much more. Two tones, two different stories, completely opposing...then why could I not drive off the feeling that there was something more intertwining us.

I understood now. But then I felt like ripping my hair out in frustration. Figuratively, mind you, though I had a hard enough time keeping my movements in its usual fluid state.

But still, going in circles was rather frustrating.

But still, I had made my choice. Or so I thought in any case. Closing my eyes, I let it all go, the confusion, the emotion...simply embracing the darkness and the emptiness that defined me, yet did not fully identify me.

'Darkness hides from the light till it is ready to destroy it.'

Darkness and light, they were so different, and yet intertwined. But it was always light at the forefront. Light that shone, while darkness lurked in the unwilling corners where few dared to look.

'You, warrior of light, are my destiny.'

A destiny that I had chosen for myself, could I delude myself into believing the concept of free will existed and was at that time in my grasp. Unexplainably, I had been drawn to him, and everything meaningful had brought the two of us here.

And as I opened my eyes and met his gaze, it looked as though neither would let the other go free.

Something was going to change here.

And something did. Though not in the way I had anticipated.

'Darkness will prevail.'

One way or another...

'Your light shall be...extinguished.'

It had to be. It was destroying the darkness I needed to survive. The darkness which I was nurtured from. Like a pesticide, the small beckoning glow was vanquishing the large abundance of shadow. Bringing light to so much that until then had slept peacefully in the darkness, as I felt then, they should have.

I lunged at the final word, and he parried my blow. Naturally enough; I had, after all, given him plentiful time to prepare. We were there on equal grounds, his higher level compensating from the lesser exposure to his own element.

For a moment, we remained like that, our swords locked as strength alone attempted to turn the tide of the battle. But naturally, brute force alone could do nothing, and it was only when the intensity broke through the illusions around us and revealed the truth inside did the stalemate break.

It was like inside Sakkakumon, looking through the other's digimon armour and seeing the human boy struggling beneath it, and within his eyes; they were blue, not brown, I could see someone else struggling too. The same boy whose reflection I had seen, the one who had chased after him, calling him, watching him slip through his fingers like the small grains of sand...

I suppose either one or both of us pulled back slightly at the sight; the look in his eyes told me that he had, at least, seen it too. But regardless, the sudden lack of pressure supporting our joint blades and conflicting auras blasted us apart from one another.

It wasn't long after that that we fired off our attacks, my Deadly Gaze passing through his Frozen Hunter as they fell slightly short of their intended targets.

Neither of us were playing around this time. It was, after all, a decisive battle.

Or so it was intended. Unfortunately, not everything works out the way one intends.

The force of our attacks destroyed the floor level like a bomb denoting. The fractures split, uneven terrain leading to the lower levels partially flooded in water.

I, being aware of the structure, already knowing that, but my opponent finding out the hard way when he tumbled off a rocky ledge and into it.

The force knocked our tangled bodies apart at the ledge, so we fell into the water separately. It didn't take us long, however, to be locked in combat once more, swords flying in a deadly duel where more than simply a digimon's life was at stake.

We exchanged blows with such ferocity that any small falter would most surely result in defeat. But an exchange like this was getting us nowhere. It seemed that, in physical strength at least, when we were so fast paced that not even the smallest emotion could penetrate the heat of battle, we were equal.

We stood, feet submerged in the water as our swords clashed time and time again. Around us the pillars rose up, supporting the broken fragments of the floor above us as they proudly stood.

Not much longer, as I dodged the next swipe, directing the blades extending from my hands at them instead.

It didn't take long, the sharp blade slashing through the weakened stone. They immediately caved inwards towards my opponent, splashing into the water by my feet.

The scene cleared soon enough. He was on his back in the shallow water, not pinned by the supports, but rather by the swords I had crossed at his neck.

'You are mine,' I hissed, tightening my grip.

And then, suddenly, I froze. Froze as I saw the scared human boy underneath the digimon armour as he tried desperately to whither himself out of my grasp.

I couldn't do it. For reasons I could not fathom then, I could not do it. Even when his life was in my hands, when a small twitch would cut the ties anchoring his soul to this world, ridding myself from this problem, this _obstacle_ forever.

I didn't know why then, but I just couldn't.

One moment of hesitation, and then tables turned. The sword swung; not mine, the twin red blades hung limply in my grasp, but _his_ Beosaber. He had seen me falter, and at that instant, switched his grip and brought the sword down in a downward arc. The sound rang in my ears; metal clashing with metal, before I felt my own swords fall from my hands and the cold surface of the wall on my back as the sword pinned me to it, its two points on either side of my throat.

The eye on my stomach twitched, slightly, before stilling of its own accord. Ever so slightly, I raised my head to meet with his own brown orbs, and then once again, we were simply staring into each other's eyes.

But that time, it was different. Way different.

It was rather...odd witnessing such a thing, and I have no doubt he felt the same way. After all, I have already mentioned that mercy is the way of light, not darkness, and yet here we were, about to be destroyed because of a small act of mercy for reasons I knew not.

And _he_, the light who should have compiled to mercy's hand, was willing, with no regret, to take my life without another thought.

How ironic, that light stood fast while darkness wavered.

So easily I could have blasted him into oblivion, the eyes decorating my body locked on their target so easily able to fire off a Deadly Gaze to eliminate the threat. But I didn't want to. I had lost that will when I had faltered.

Red and brown. So similar, yet so contrasting in their representativeness. It was as though the colour of blood mixed with the colour of the soil that brought fertility to a plain earth. The reddish brown from which all organic life originated...and returned to.

Looking into his eyes, seeing his own brown mixing with the reflection of my red, I wondered if this was my end.

'Darkness will never defeat me,' he stated, coldly, emotionlessly...he sounded so much an echo of the digimon I once was, the cold, emotionless warrior of darkness, the one incapable of feeling, the one to whom going against orders was inconceivable.

But it was no longer, because by letting him live, I had disobeyed them.

It was like the fight had been driven out of me. Something, his light I presume, had destroyed the veil behind which I hid from the world. In terms of knowledge, I was no better off, but for the first time, it was as though I was walking on the path of truth.

A path, which would set me free from a hatred whose direction I could not pinpoint.

I had once hated him. I still hated...but at least I could feel, it was not directed towards him.

I stared into his eyes, even as he raised his other arm, the laser tip pointed towards my heart, had digimon anatomy born that similarity to that of a human. Was I that willing to just let him kill me? Even though I could prevent it so easily.

It seemed as though I was.

Perhaps he was right. Darkness could not defeat light.

But seeing that haunted, almost despaired look in his eyes as he prepared to fire, I knew light could not defeat darkness either.

Why? Was it because he saw me as more than an enemy that needed to be destroyed?

Because here I was, giving him the opportunity to do so. Giving him the opportunity to cut the source, while I had tried, and failed, to do so.

After all, holistically, it didn't matter which was gone. Either way, it would amount to the same thing.

I knew that...and he knew it too.

'Cleansing Light!'

For a moment, the light shone brightly in my eyes, but for the first time I remembered, it brought no pain. Something nagged at the edge of my conscience then, something I should have easily picked up and registered, but didn't, or at least not until it was too late.

Cherubimon had told me that the light brought pain. But that experience just proved he was wrong.

If nothing else, _that_, that feeling of tranquillity that passed over me as the light from his laser engulfed my crying heart, should have told me that my doubts had been well placed. That he had lied, and I had believed him all too. That he knew, he _knew_ and I did not.

Perhaps if I had more time, I would have. As it was, the feeling only lasted for mere seconds, if even that, before it was gone and the darkness filled me again.

And I could hear his voice, speaking so far away, and yet so near.

But in the foggy interior of my brain, only one phrase penetrated my ears.

'His creation..?'

But then I felt the soothing, cold embrace of darkness, and I forgot all else.

Everything...except the darkness, and _his_ voice whispering in my ear.

'Duskmon...'

His voice was soothing, like sweet honey slipping through a parched throat and sugar-coating the harshness of everything else. The word however, was a different matter. Even after all the times I heard it, it still sounded...odd. Like Duskmon was not who I truly was after all.

After all, it seemed as though Duskmon was created.

'It is time for you to remember the day you came to the Digital World.'

The day I came? Then where, or for that matter, who was I before?

The words fluttered through my mind. Time...remember...

'_It is time...'_

The memories, the past which was almost within my reach...he had them, and he was giving them back to me.

'Allow me to assist you.'

The caressing darkness suddenly became harsh. Pain exploded in my mind, much like the other times, when I had seen the warrior of light unmasked for the first time, when I had seen his memories...

I felt my arms fly up and seize the sides of my skull on instinct. I heard screams echoing around me, my own, as I tried to withstand the pain which seemed always to result in my weakness...

And then I was seeing it. Myself...and yet not myself, partially submerged in the dark void which was the first thing I remembered.

I remembered what he had first said.

_'You are Duskmon...'_

But this, whoever this was, was not Duskmon.

At first there was silent, head turning from side to side, the organ of sight fulfilling its purpose and processing the images of nothingness...

There wasn't much, but some things stood out. Emotions: loneliness...and fear.

And then sound, which intensified that.

'Hello? Is someone here? Anyone?'

Loneliness...fear...

'P-Papa?'

Insecurity...

The voice, as though it erupted from my lips, I could hardly call it my own, was shaky, wavering, and yet for some reason it sounded natural to my ears, even as the words fell from my lips with some difficulty.

And the image which had caused that insecurity...the same man which the human of light had called his father.

'You are my dad, right?'

Hesitation...

But I didn't understand. How was this possible? His father...how could he be mine?

'Papa, I wanted-huh?'

Desire, longing...then shock...

The image vanished into the dark abyss, leaving everything still, silent as I, and yet not I, froze in shock.

Something pained. Something...from what organ humans called a heart. It's hard to describe, but it felt as though someone had stretched an elastic band as far as it would go, and then simply let it rebound onto sensitive skin. As though someone had given something only to take it back at the last moment...

And it hurt. It hurt so much, but as to why...

A small noise caught my ears and I turned, seeing a frail, wrinkled woman. Someone who felt familiar, but I did not remember.

'Grandma?'

Hope...and the deep echo of a remembered grief and sorrow...

I was hopelessly confused, as if I was reading a story from its last page, missing the development that mattered when it came to understanding the conclusion, as in the past I stretched my fingertips towards her, to touch her, to prove to myself that she existed...

'Grandma, I-'

Sadness...

...and then she was gone, just like the other.

They echoed, the emotions echoed, fading away after the initial appearance but still making their presence known. As if they had always existed, and only now was I recognizing them...or only then really, since this was a memory.

My memory...

_ '... for you to remember...'_

Light shone suddenly, light eradicating the darkness, causing me to flinch away from the glare before blocking it as my arm came up to shield my eyes. Squinting, I saw a figure in the light. One that was familiar, one I knew, one I saw, followed, felt a connection to...and was yet to learn why...

'Koji?'

Yearning...

How easily his name felt from my lips. It always had been so easy, even easier than my own name.

Even in his human form, his light was blinding. It was strong, so strong, driving me away and yet leading me towards it. Something...I remembered then when it occurred, but didn't as I remembered...

_Running after him...the elevator...the reflection...calling out_

It was like a giant puzzle; the most important pieces were still missing though. I still couldn't see the real picture.

'You're Koji, right?'

More emotions, too hard to identify...

'Koji, I wanted...to meet you.'

Pounding footsteps. Frantic chasing.

'I know you don't know me, and I know it sounds a little weird...but I know you.'

Explaining...but I was still confused. So confused.

'Wait, don't go! Don't leave me!'

Desperation...

Then the light vanished, and he was gone too.

I shook slightly, before feeling solid ground beneath my knees. I could feel my heart weeping, weeping for reasons I didn't understand. There was more, far more, but was I not allowed to know?

But I needed to. It was confusing, to confusing. Why? What didn't I know? What was I forgetting?

What was missing?

Something flared up in my chest, something so familiar; the darkness I had learnt to associate with a part of myself. The emotions which swirled in a nameless void, which I could now identify...

'Why won't anyone pay attention to me?'

Anger...betrayal...

_Their fault..._

The words echoed...

'...pay attention to me...'

Hatred...envy...

I felt thin tracks of moisture marking my face as little salty droplets ran their course. Tears.

Despair...

...the darkness I knew. The darkness I had always known.

This was why. This was part of the reason.

They left me...they hurt me...made me suffer...

But why? Did it matter?

And Cherubimon...

'You have my attention boy.'

His voice echoed in my ears again, in that dull way that told me of my past. That alluring quality that attracted me, that held me like a fly caught in a web...that's actually not a bad analogy, all things considered.

'The darkness in your heart drew me straight to you. Your loneliness and sadness, your angry soul, it's like honey to me. Sweet...pain...darkness.'

'Darkness?'

Surprise...suspicion...doubt...

'I like you.'

Wind rushed at my face suddenly as I whipped around; biting wind, scratching and tearing at my face, burning my eyes...

'Who are you?'

Mistrust...

Eyes widened suddenly, taking in the sight. The object, radiating darkness, calling to me...

'I am the one who will set you free.'

Freedom...no pain...

'I will release the darkness in your heart, and it will give you great power Koichi...'

That was what I had wanted...

'Become one...with this spirit of darkness...'

And then there was just pain again. Blinding, burning pain, real, while the soothing darkness became distant...but Lord Cherubimon still whispered in my ear.

'It hurts because you still remember your pathetic human heart.'

My heart, from what I felt so much emotion, and so much pain.

'Let it go, let the darkness fill your soul.'

Somewhere distant, I heard a chain break. And then there was nothing...save the strong grip of darkness...

'This time, your heart shall not trouble you.'

...and a new found power.

I let my eyes slip open again. When they had closed, I didn't know. And it didn't matter.

I opened my mouth, words tumbling from my lips with a certain grace before even my mind registered its implications.

...as if I wasn't truly in control. As if I had never been.

'Duskmon, Slide Evolution. Velgemon.'

* * *

**Notes:**

All right. That was long, and um...interesting. 17 pages on Microsoft Word.

The stuff on truth/falsehood is actually from my TOK essay. If you do IB, you'd know what I'm talking about. If not, then save your brain cells and don't go looking. The emotion stuff was heavily influenced by Medea (one of my World Lit texts, ditto with the other one).

As for the flashback, from what I got, Duskmon only remembered that part, alot of which would have been rather confusing lacking the background knowledge. For example, why he wanted to meet Koji in the first place etc. Essentially, Kouichi only has little snatches of his human life along with the part Cherubimon shows him; not nearly enough to put all the pieces together in the condition he's in. If he was thinking rationally, then that's another story...or not.

I think that leaves us off somewhere in the middle of episode 30. If memory serves, everyone save the twins are still tunnelling a hole.

See ya all next time.


	7. Chapter 6

**Author's Note**

Aargh, when I said at the beginning that this story _shouldn't_ be too long, this was most definitely not what I had in mind. Sure, ten chapters compared to eighteen, but each is at least twice the length (some are four times) those of **Brother, Hear Me Cry**, so this story evidently wound up far longer than I expected.

Now, time to start the countdown. Actually, I was supposed to start last chapter, but kinda forgot to.

**Chapters remaining after this: **3

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Digimon or any of the characters in it. All I own is my writing and my personal opinion.

So enjoy and please tell me what you think.

* * *

**Identity**

I am Duskmon...or so he says. There was always doubt, but so small that it was suppressed by unconditional loyalty. Till I saw him. Koji Minamoto. His light burned through my darkness, amplified my doubts. I hated it, but perhaps Duskmon was not who I really was after all.

Kouichi K

* * *

**Chapter 6**

It was like a rebirth. Like someone had pressed the restart button on a computer game and the player was bestowed with full LP and new chances, while all the previous disadvantages, and advantages, were gone.

Depending on the perspective, that can be either a good thing or a bad thing.

In this particular case, it was both.

There was nothing save raw emotions, animalistic instinct, and undiluted power. Every stray thought of reason was obliterated. Every piece of knowledge I had obtained through my time was forgotten, my mind was in essence, wiped clear. The cup of experience was emptied, leaving not even the slightest drop.

The experience itself is not something I can really describe. There was no control, no reason, no logic...and what scares me most now is that there was no feeling.

Instinct...the innate desire to kill, to destroy.

And the power to do so.

And through a green haze, even as I glided through the air, easily cutting through the wind currents in their weak attempts to buffer me, I spied a target.

I remembered nothing of my past; all that I had learnt, and the confusion it had aroused, it was all gone. Numbness...that's all there was. No pain, no confusion, no desire, no doubt. Just numbness, and an instinctual blood-thirst.

Nothing else existed, except the target who I soared so easily above, seeming from such a distant insignificant, and the darkness which covered me so completely that I knew nothing save its power which I felt flooding through my veins...

'Velgemon.'

...and that voice, which felt a part of me, and at the same time not. But there was no suspicion there, no doubt.

I didn't remember Duskmon, nor that boy whose reflection I had seen.

I was Velgemon. That was it.

And everything was so simple. No complexity that stemmed from the humanity of the human spirit of Duskmon. My mind comfortably drowned in darkness. If I had a heart, it was dyed pure black, and everything I heard from the voice that was me and yet not, I accepted without question.

'It is time for you to rid this world of true darkness.'

I can now so plainly see the implications of that statement, the ironic truth underlining his words. But then, I was like a mindless slave, obeying the voice in my head with no hesitations, no qualms.

There was no control there, only a sightless beast blindly following his master's command.

'Destroy the light.'

I changed course, swooping down upon my target like the bird of prey I was. Like a vulture launching itself on the rotting flesh of a corpse cast aside, I descended from the sky, feeling nothing save the desire to rip apart his flesh and devour him.

'What now?'

Fear...it is said that beasts can smell the taste of fear, and in this case, it was true. Because I could smell the fear that radiated from the small, pathetic form in my field of vision. Gentler creatures would be repelled by it, but the fear that attracted me to him like a bee is attracted to honey.

Until I got closer and scraps of memory and emotion burst to the surface, slicing through the haze I was drowning in.

'Light...enemy...'

The words erupted from my mouth, despite the fact that I had not consciously thought them. But it fit, as in like a huge jigsaw puzzle with most of its pieces missing.

But then pain flashed in my mind, quickly overpowered by the instinct to destroy it source...

'...destroy...light...'

...regardless of the cost.

'Destroy.'

I dove at the roar, the conscious thought of death and destruction, lunging from my target, seeing the light of his sword as he brought it up, lined with the sickly shade of green which stained my vision

'Frozen Hunter!'

A burst of white lunged at me, but I felt nothing as it struck my side, brushing it off as if it were an annoying fly. For a moment, the attack parted, and I could see the target I so desired to annihilate before me, before I flapped my wings and send him falling to the ground.

I relished the power and ease in which I had thrown him off, not caring as to what damage I caused. I watched him struggle like a trapped rat while I, now closer to the ground, circled him.

I savoured his helplessness as I dipped my wing, carving a circle around my prey, but at the same time, I felt

I was in control, though I had none. This whole time, I was simply a puppet to the raw power I possessed. Power which was twisted and manipulated by a corruption that ran so deep that till this day, I still fight against it.

Emotions surfaced, fuelling the desire to kill, to destroy. Pain, anguish, envy, anger, hate...all which amplified his bloodthirstiness to the point that my mind was totally consumed by it.

The circle complete, I flapped my wings and launched myself back into the air, feeling a sudden surge of power which I released without another thought, calling out the name of the attack.

'Dark Obliteration!'

Domes of darkness rose from the ground, devouring all that it encased. I watched, emotionlessly, as my prey scampered, desperately trying to find an exit. He did, eventually, but the force of the ensuring explosion as the dome demoted forced him to devolve and cast him carelessly aside, half trapped in the resulting rubble.

I hovered in the air a moment, before I lunged again.

'Koji...'

Seeing him in his human form caused more scraps of memory to emerge, but it was nothing consequential, nothing to make me stop. Instinct ruled, governed by uncontrollable emotion; consuming anger, boundless rage, underlining pain...and the deep darkness which surrounded all.

I let out a crying roar, letting the sound of my inner turmoil echo across the empty plains of my domain. Physically, I could feel nothing, not the fierce gales slashing at my skin at the altitude at which I flew, nor the attack which I had been hit with, but somewhere inside, I felt pain, unidirectional, but then the overwhelming dam of emotion enraged by lust for my prey's destruction...

'...light...'

...and so like all animals at the learning stage, I associated the two. The vulnerable boy beneath me, and the light which I had been commanded, and driven, to destroy.

'...destroy...Koji.'

I lunged for him, ready to impale him with my claws, to tear him apart without hesitation. And even when all of this is over, I can still see his fear-stricken face in my nightmares as I descended upon my prey like one possessed, which technically I was, in both definitions.

But even as my claw hovered above his heart, something about his tear-stricken face made me hesitate.

It was only the briefest hesitation, but it accomplished three things. Firstly, it proved that, despite being practically an embodiment of death itself, as Velgemon, I still had a heart. Secondly, it probably saved the other's life, as thirdly, it allowed just enough time for a conflicting burst of power to strike my middle eye.

In my mind, the two powers suddenly clashed, the tainted darkness I carried, and the light from this unknown source. The two powers attempting to counteract one another, the darkness trying to drive out the light, while the light pushed the darkness.

'You must remember.'

The voice echoed in my head, much like the other had done. A part of me, but at the same time not...

'Remember your life in the human world Velgemon.'

The human world?

The resurfacing images...the elevator...the blue eyes wide in terror and desperation...

'I...was in...the...human...world?'

Hesitation...confusion...

'You must remember.'

Again the insistence.

'It is time.'

It was different this time. There was no pain in my remembrance, though the confusion lingered. This time, it wasn't that I was physically seeing the memories, but remembering them.

But the confusion arose because they clashed with all that I had previously known. A feeling, which I realised with that remembrance, was one both foreign and familiar.

_I remembered as I sat in a hospital room, at the bedside of an old, frail woman. My grandmother. Her hand was in mine, holding it in a gentle, yet weak grip, as the monotone beeping of the heart monitor echoed around the room._

_I remembered how disarming it had been seeing her like that. My grandmother, so energetic and full of life, always playing with me when I was small and with boundless energy, and as I grew up, kept me company and taught me much while my mother was busy with work. She was always so strong, that seeing her so weak was beguiling, but was the finality and determination in her gaze that left the strongest mark of remembrance._

_She opened her mouth to speak, even as she knew that the words she was about to utter was the last she would ever say. Something so important that she was using her last breaths to tell me, something she couldn't bear, from the almost desperate look in her eyes, to take to the grave with her._

'_Koichi...'_

_I had winced involuntarily at the weak, raspy voice that escaped from my grandmother's throat. If seeing her was hard, hearing her voice so helpless and near death was even harder. I remember wanting to just shut my eyes and ignore the lingering scent of death as it approached; for some reason, I had always feared death. But I forced my eyes to stay open, even as my eyes teared slightly, from the strain of keeping them open against the greater part of my will, from the fear, and the approaching death for which more tears would be shed._

_She didn't continue, her own resolve watering much the same way my eyes had. So I, a rare occurrence, took the initiative and prompted her gently._

_ 'Wha-what is it Grandma?'_

_My voice shook; I stumbled briefly on the words; a part of me feared without really knowing the cause. As if I knew what she was about to say would change my life, something so significant that she could not bear to take the secret to the grave with her._

_ 'You...need...to know...Koichi,' she choked out. 'You have...a...brother.'_

_A brother?_

_Whatever I had expected at that moment, it hadn't been that. I had been right in the fact that that final message, that which my grandmother spent her final breaths to deliver, would change my life, but still, I hadn't expected the entire structure upon which I had built my life upon from when I reached the age in which I was first able to make decisions in everyday situations to simply fall apart and collapse like a house of cards. I know most kids, and I am, or rather was, no exception, tend to trust their parents' judgement as the epitome when it comes to decision making, at least until the point where we are able to think critically and oppose a decision in the event that one or both parents are wrong. The thing is, most don't reach that age, or a new level in terms of critical thinking, till they at least reach partway through their secondary education. It does, of course, take some time to transfer from certainty to scepticism. Only when some knowledge both sudden and conflicting to previous beliefs is forced upon you do you see that sudden change._

_I trusted my grandmother, but I trusted my mother too. Growing up with only the two of them, they had a near equal share of my trust, and having something so contradictory to one told by the other made things far more difficult than what I had been prepared to deal with at that stage. However, when push came to shove, my grandmother would win out, being the one who I had spent most of my time with while my mother was at work, being the one who had taught me to read and write, and helped me as I went through school. Thus most of my set beliefs had been founded upon knowledge I had obtained from her._

_I knew my grandmother well enough that she wouldn't waste the last of her strength on a lie. If she said I had a brother, then it was likely true._

_And if it was, then..._

_ 'You must...find...Koji.'_

_Koji...my brother..._

_I had sought him out then, like, and yet unlike how I had here. I had looked through hospital records, letters and photos till I was certain beyond a shadow of doubt of his existence, then I searched him out._

_I remembered the times I had followed him, trying yet unable to amount the courage to speak with him, especially when I saw his house, his family...his life, and compared it to mine, the small little green monster of envy rearing its ugly head and which I buried deep with all else. Because I envied him for what he had, for what I could have had if my father had chosen me instead of him. Envied him for his luxury while mother struggled beyond what her health allowed to provide enough for me._

_But most of me was happy, happy that I had a brother, a twin who I could share my life with. Even at school, I had very few friends, many labelled my silence at one not worth talking to, and even when they did, we never spent enough time together to establish a strong relationship. As a result, even in the company of other people, I was lonely._

_And my mother, I saw how sad she was, even when she tried to hide it from me. I could only imagine how it felt for her, watching one child she could barely support growing up while being denied the other, all the while as her health decreased with the increasingly long hours._

_I could not make her happy myself, but I so desperately wanted to put the broken pieces of our family together, if only to see her smile instead of her pain._

_And I saw Koji, I saw his family. And while the little green monster was suppressed, I saw how sad they all were. Sure, from afar they seemed the perfect family, but up close you could see the cold affront acting like a shield that Koji adorned, the sadness and regret of his father...our father, and the woman who tried to bring them together but failed to do so._

_I couldn't blame them, despite how much I sometimes wanted to. It wasn't fair; I didn't know why my parents divorced, so it was not my place to put blame on one or the other. Logically speaking in any case...but we all know how emotions in the end outweigh that, especially when they burst out like a dam overflowing. Which is pretty much what happened._

_I remembered following Koji to the station, trying to get him alone so I could at least talk to him. But then being seconds too late as the elevator doors slammed, pounding my fists in slight desperation, as if that would be the last chance I would get, and it felt like that. Really, it did. It felt as if I would lose him forever should he leave the premise of that elevator._

_So I took the stairs instead, practically flying down them in my haste to catch up to him. Too fast, as I felt my ankle twist awkwardly on a step, causing me to lose my footing and fall._

_I remembered the pain that shot through my skull on impact even as I felt my consciousness slip from my grasp. I remembered the single name which had fallen from my lips, the one name which for a while after brought to the surface the pain I had bottled up deep inside._

_ 'Koji!'_

_And then everything else..._

I blinked twice in rapid succession, as I looked down at the boy I had been about to impale. The memories and thoughts faded into dormancy, ready to be recalled should an appropriate incentive present itself, but at that point, the distinction between truth and false had been blurred beyond recognition.

On one hand, there was Cherubimon, the warrior of Darkness, and the element from which I had originated. Duskmon, who was nothing before the darkness, nothing save a loyal servant of the Celestial Digimon, destined to destroy the light. On the other hand, there was the human boy: Koichi Kimura, the twin brother of the warrior of light.

It was too confusing, too soon...I couldn't just kill one who on one hand I thought to be an enemy while on the other thought to be kin. If I made the wrong choice-

I flapped my wings, hard enough to gain enough power over the gravitational forces of the Digital Plane so that I could propel myself into the air and away from all else so that I could deal with the paradox-like complication which had become the truth of my identity.

On the ground, I heard him, the warrior of light, Koji Minamoto, calling after me, the words echoing in the empty space and vibrating off air particles even as the distance between us increased.

'Velgemon, just who are you to me?'

His voice was frantic, desperate...he needed to know the truth as much as I did. But then, neither of us knew. Rather, we both did, but neither of us could see it. Or face it.

I wish I could tell you..., I thought as I felt the winds buffer by wings as I gained altitude, and the boy who had become the pinnacle of my quest became a mere dot in my vision, before even that faded.

If only so I knew myself. Or could be sure of what I knew...

Because I did know. I just couldn't decide then what to believe.

* * *

The raging winds...depth, conflict, doubt...and in the end, wisdom. It represented a premise of change, amongst other things; an opportunity for regeneration, but then no change can truly come about without acceptance.

'How can this be?'

And acceptance could not come while doubt lingered.

I let the winds buffer my wings as I flew aimlessly, soaring high over the fragmented land as I thought.

Gusts also represented turmoil and trouble, rather appropriate as it reflected both the turmoil of the land as a whole and that in the inner recedes of my mind.

Confusion...at times like that I really hated that feeling, knowing the truth is right in front of you, and yet you're unable to see the forest for the trees, figuratively speaking.

The thing was, it all made sense. The memories all linked together like pieces of a complex puzzle, fitting to show the picture in its entirety. What hadn't made sense before made perfect sense, but as always, emotion overshadowed reason and logic, and intuition, for the most part, outweighed that.

But they were twisted, some recollections clouded in the foggy interior of my inner turmoil, while others shone through the clouds.

It is said that after an initial shock, the clear reminiscence becomes twisted and warped with both our previous beliefs and our environment. While then I had remembered everything in astounding clarity, they were soon after clouded in doubt, confusion...and darkness.

Some thoughts stood out in the throng, and so I went with those first.

'A human brother?'

Koji...I remembered his face, remembered as the heart I had buried in darkness called out for him. Remembered how something had drawn me to him even as the more logical part told me to simply leave him for those concerned with their defeat, or else their victory. Remembered the pain his light had brought.

Cherubimon had been right about that. He had been right about the pain I had bottled up drowning in the unfeeling grip of darkness and brought to the surface by the light. He had been right in that the light was my enemy...but then again, perhaps it didn't have to be.

That last time, when I had faced down Beowolfmon's laser, it hadn't hurt. As if the light had freed me from my darkness which bound me in chains.

Then was it not possible that the darkness was just as responsible for my pain, if not more? As it was now quite obvious that neither was the real source, so in that instance, Cherubimon had been wrong.

'If it's true...'

The warrior of light on the other hand had been, to some extent, correct as well. Destruction...it hadn't been what I really wanted. Sure, as with my initial beast spirit evolution, I had felt the overwhelming desire, but blindness lust was far different from true want. Always, even below the predator skin of the bird which symbolised death itself, I felt the slightest doubt, the doubt which had caused me to hesitate seconds before it would have been too late to do so.

But in a way I had.

Just as they had both been right, they had both been wrong.

Not for the first time, I had hesitated to cut the tie of light. Even when I believed my convictions to be concrete, doubtless, the doubt remained. Perhaps it always existed, but pressed dormant till an appropriate stimulus nudged it to the surface.

The doubt was far stronger now, to the extent that I almost believed my master to be wrong. But something held me back. Still doubt, on both sides of the equations. Just as I couldn't be sure of the extent of the truth, I couldn't be sure of the extent of the falsehood.

Some bits I knew. I knew Koji was my brother, my heart left no doubt for that.

But...

'...then who am I?'

Human...I was human too. I had to be. The boy I had seen in the reflection of the elevator, the one whose mirror image stared back at me from the window of the trains I took each day; that was me.

But I was Duskmon too. The warrior of Darkness. A digimon, servant of Cherubimon.

'I need some time to think about this.'

I'd have to choose. I couldn't remain conflicted. My master...or my brother?

The one who played his part in both sending me to the darkness and pulling me back, or the one who's darkness was the epitome of my existence on the Digital Plane?

It wasn't so easy a decision. At that time, I think at that time I made both the right choice and the wrong one.

I changed my course, to the one place I knew the answers awaited me. The Rose Morning Star.

But the threads of doubt hung visible from me. Doubts that either side could twist and manipulate. And I had failed to consider that, searching for something more concrete.

After all, as I knew my memories, I knew my emotions. Some conflicted, some not, yet not knowing which was which. I remembered anger, hatred...burning bright at times while at others quelled. I remembered the conflicts; at times I had hated him amongst all else...while at other times I longed for him to see me so we could at least build a family which had broken apart. I remembered the anger, at how he took what he had for granted while remaining ignorant to others struggling to meet ends, remembered how he rejected the family he had, rejected any attempts to befriend him, rejected the warmth of companionship in the cold front he always wore...even while I was happy that I had a brother, I could feel the underlining hatred, much as I felt the underlining doubt.

But unlike the doubt, the hatred and anger had been misdirected.

I don't think it had initially been directed at anywhere at all. It just existed, accumulating as I refrained from expressing it so as to not hurt others with my own emotions. In the end, it just became aimless, directionless, as if my emotions and my observations had associated themselves with just a little prompting.

At times I wanted to blame someone, anyone...it happens with everyone. I guess I had reached my limits then, when he alone had been in firing range.

Emotions had outweighed all logic and reasoning at that time. It does happen at times, where all reasoned thought is outweighed by irrational emotional drive.

But for all my hatred, all my anger, the underlining doubt still existed.

I could not then say I had ever truly hated him. Then.

And for everything, one thing I was sure. I didn't want to fight him. I couldn't fight my own brother.

Had I known how easily that could change, I would never have returned.

That enlightenment had unfortunately come too late.

* * *

The longer I waited, the larger the doubts grew. Not that I had been absolutely certain of much to begin with. But as more time passed with me alone in that dark void, the more I began to wander what was reality and what I had simply conjured up from my sub-conscience, twisted and warped to be alluded as reality.

I was lost. Even as I stood in an interior room of the castle under the Rose Morning Star, cloaked in the darkness which was my element, I was lost. Confusion, doubt...they are perhaps two of the greatest weaknesses of all beings intelligent of conscious thought freedom of choice, because they were essentially the constituents of the fragile which could easily be tipped to either side.

But even in the never-ending doubts and the swirling mass of confusion, one memory remained clear, engraved in my mind and burning bright in the otherwise deep darkness.

'_Koichi...you need to know...you have...a brother.'_

I believed that, at least, without a lingering trace of doubt. And yet...

'I have a brother?'

...the doubt remained. Not of the memory itself, the truth of it was clear enough, but of myself, of my ability to discern truth from falsehood.

'How can this be? Who am I?'

I should have known, I did know, but some part of me held me back from accepting it and progressing, instead tying me to the perplexity of the contradiction which had arisen from two separate lives. It may, on the surface, seem that it would have been far better to accept a truth when it dwelled on the surface as it did rather than doubt it and push it down, but experience can so easily change a person's perspective, and I know now it would have, most definitely, been the worst thing to do. Despite what happened after...that doubt, when resolved to a far stronger conviction, gave me the faith, and the strength to stand up to that. Instead of a weak leaf fluttering in the autumn breeze, I'd rather be the tall oak that stands proud in winter.

Even if I had to go the other way first.

After all, most equations crossed the line before they reached equilibrium.

'You are Duskmon. What more do you need to know?'

Suddenly, Cherubimon made his presence known. I looked up, seeing the Celestial Digimon hovering in the darkness which seemed to grow in power at his attendance, with the power and authority he governed, and I could so easily recall all I owed him, and the unconditional loyalty that I had once bestowed upon him. The loyalty, which though wavered, still existed, and which led me to release my doubt in the search for guidance which I had hoped he could bestow, not really recognising, or caring, that if he had lied, or been wrong before, he could so easily cloak or manipulate the truth again.

'That boy...' I began, my voice hesitant, weak, unfitting of the warrior of Darkness whose title I adorned.

'What boy?' He sounded amused, taunting even, though at the time, I had not noticed it. But regardless, his tone had prompted me to continue, my voice strengthening with each syllable.

'Koji Minamoto. He is...my brother, my twin!'

The conviction with which I uttered that surprised even me. The certainly my tone held, that said despite all else, nobody could convince me otherwise.

'So...you remember him,' he mused thoughtfully.

That alone should have been more than enough to arouse suspicion, had nothing else been. And it did, the tiniest amount, which send sirens off in my head as his next statement registered.

'But why should that make a difference to you?'

'Huh?' The expression of shock tumbled from my lips without conscious thought. Of all the ties fashioned in the various worlds out there, those of blood ran the strongest. Linked by the blood we shared, I couldn't, he couldn't-

'You can't expect me to fight my brother?'

He obviously could. And I had thought that nothing would sway that one resolution at least, my refusal to fight my twin, despite all else I doubted, but I had been wrong.

'Oh can't I Duskmon?'

Because he could. And he did.

'Ah, your memory is flawed.'

A part of me wanted so desperately to believe him. To disregard the misgivings and uncertainties I carried. Perhaps because I didn't want to accept what I had done, the consequences of it all...but very few do really. It is far easier to think the world is wrong than you.

Until of course, it gets to the point where you can't deny it any longer.

And it was the truth in any case, though twisted under the manipulation that drew the fly he wanted so into his net. My memory was flawed, blocking out things which could have saved us all from what happened next if I had remembered without them twisted by the darkness and my own, unchecked emotions as my unhealed heart was unable to retain them.

But still, a part of me rebuked his statement.

Which was unfortunately being suppressed by a mix of the greater majority, as well as the pressing darkness which stifled me more like a prison than the soothing presence it used to be. It was only later, far later, that I realised that it had been Cherubimon's influence compressing my own.

And how easily I had played into his hands with my own doubts and insecurities because I didn't know, or else refused to accept, who I really was. Refused to accept an identity which I had longed for and finally found. What had set me apart from Cherubimon's other four warriors and had drawn me to Ophanimon's five even while they were my enemies, what had drawn me to _him_, the Warrior of Light, despite all rationale, what had lead him to follow me.

But then, I had been ignorant, or rather, blinded to that, with the darkness pressing in my mind and _his_, Cherubimon's words, poisoning my ears.

And he know, he knew so well...and so he attacked one of the few aces which shifted all the cards onto his table.

Honestly, from my standpoint, he couldn't have done much better.

'Don't you remember your mother? I'm sure you'd remember her if you tried.'

Mama...of course I could remember her. But all I remembered then was her sadness, her suffering, her slightly blank expression as she fought life to raise me and give me what I needed, even when her body couldn't cope with the strain of all the shifts she was forced to work through as a result. No joy, no happiness...

And even as I felt the memories wash over me like a cold shower, I heard _his_ voice, like sweet honey, dripping into my ear.

'Remember your mother...remember her pain...'

* * *

**Notes:**

Alot of references in this chapter. Mostly TOK or Psychology.

Emotions play a really big role in remembrance. At the point where Ophanimon's power returned Koichi's memories to him, they were not held back by anything. By the time he was thinking about it later, a few things happened; his memories were twisted by both the darkness and his emotions, which, because he had bottled them up, had become both directionless and misdirected, which was why it was so easy for Cherubimon to manipulate that. Also, not everything had gone into his long term memory, nor was his ability to recall that information on command working properly because of the influence of Cherubimon and his own confusion which arouse from the conflictions. Because while he did doubt, it was not strong enough for him to totally reject Cherubimon.

When doubt exists, it is far easier to manipulate someone's beliefs, and Cherubimon clearly knew that, and used Koichi's doubt to his own advantage.

The confusion is also because 'Koichi' and 'Duskmon' have to some extent melded together. Upon remembering his human life, Koichi doesn't just forget everything that happened and who he was on the digital plane. Because of that, it's like two contrasting personalities in the same body, which makes everything harder when he can't decide anything. So Cherubimon, to rectify that problem, manipulates Koichi's memories to the extent that that confliction is buried in the darkness.

And I think the reason Koichi believes Cherubimon so readily is that he doesn't want to accept the fact that he tried to kill his brother, killed innocent digimon, and was basically fighting on the wrong side. It's far easier to admit you're right than admit you're wrong. Not to mention Cherubimon's putting a bit of his own conscience into the other – more explanation next chapter about that.

Though I still think it was pretty stupid of him to go back to Cherubimon when he wasn't sure.

The wind interpretations come from my English commentary notes as well as the internet.

The other references come from various places; books, school, my head...just the one with the seasons and the plants, leaves are easier to tear away and more fragile, while trees, especially oaks, are study and strong, their roots having dug into the soil and thus their foundations are far stronger. Autumn comes before winter, so in other words, it is better to wait and wind up stronger than early and premature. And that comes from my head by the way.

And that leaves us in the middle of episode 31, or near enough to it in any case.


	8. Chapter 7

**Author's Notes**

Sorry it took so long. Enjoy, and good night. I really need to go to bed now...

**Chapters remaining after this: **2

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Digimon or any of the characters in it. All I own is my writing and my personal opinion.

* * *

**Identity**

I am Duskmon...or so he says. There was always doubt, but so small that it was suppressed by unconditional loyalty. Till I saw him. Koji Minamoto. His light burned through my darkness, amplified my doubts. I hated it, but perhaps Duskmon was not who I really was after all.

Kouichi K

* * *

**Chapter 7**

'Remember your mother.'

The words rang in my ear, dripping down my auditory nerves like a drop of water tricking down a throat raw with thirst, should it be said that such neural connections existed within a digital form. Words which trigged a painful onslaught of memories: memories of sadness, of sorrow...

'Remember her pain...'

...of anguish, like a sort of family empathy, as if I could feel the pain she forced herself through to support me, as we both bottled it up inside. I never intended to forget, but I didn't want to remember _now_, with the pain sizzling every nerve of my body even as the physical form remained unresponsive, my heart, my human heart, still soaked with darkness and as a result, sensitive. Sensitive to pain, to sadness...to manipulation and the broken dam provided an all too easy path.

However, that decision was not in my hands, and the memories unravelled themselves as Cherubimon saw fit.

_The doorknob turned smoothly under my fingers, and the door swung open to the silent apartment. That was slightly worrying, as my mother should have been home, and thus bustling around as she usually was, trying to complete the daily chores before I arrived home from school. So the silence either meant she was yet to arrive home from work, or else something else which boded worse._

_I sincerely hoped it was the first, yet it was not so._

'_I'm home,' I said, only to find my mother seated at the table and yet receive a reply._

_I blinked, partly from confusion, partly from concern, before repeating the statement which always since elicited a response with a little more insistence._

'_Mum? I'm home.'_

_And this time, it was met with a reply._

'_Koichi...'_

_Her voice was softer, softer than it usually was; tired, more exhausted..._

'_What's wrong? Are you okay?'_

_The question fell from my lips without conscious effort, but as it voiced my sentiments, it mattered little. Though by all means it was a foolish question; not only would mother deny it (as would I for that matter, independence and a want to deny worry and concern when able being traits I inherited from her, or else adapted), but it was quite obvious that the long hours and sicknesses were taking its toll._

'_I'm fine,' she answered at the same time those thoughts flickered through my head, and in congruence with my expectations._

_She got up as I closed the door behind me, continuing with her explanation. 'I'm just a little tired, that's all.'_

_She was just making excuses, but could I fault her for it? After all, all she did was to make sure I had what I needed, and was happy. And if happiness required ignorance, she would gladly comply._

_I untied my shoelaces, suddenly absorbed in untangling the tangled knot while biting back a sigh. Now how did they become such a mess? I fiddled with them a bit, feeing the lace loosening under my fingers, then heard my mother's sigh, echoing slightly on steel as though standing by the sink._

_I looked up, fingers still nudging the lace loose. She was as the sink._

_ 'There's just so much to do.'_

_There was, but there was something else too. She hid it well; it was only now, as I watched the memory again, that the defeated tone registered in my ears._

_And she had just brushed it aside, like always. To keep me unaware. To keep me happy, no matter what that meant to her._

'_So...how was school?'_

_I finally get my shoes untied and straightened up, taking the hat off my head and looking at my mother's back as she bustled around the sink._

_ 'So...how was school?' Mum asked, changing the subject._

I knew it had already happened, but I couldn't help reaching out to her, my fingers stretching like they could touch her corporal form before it vanished beneath my fingertips like the memory it truly was.

'_Mum?'_

I had almost forgotten about Duskmon then, about Cherubimon save as the honey that dripped in my ears, about those children, and Koji most of all...it was like nothing else mattered, save my mother and her pain.

Later I would come to realise many things about that. Firstly, that Cherubimon had played upon my weakness as all evil masterminds (though Cherubimon himself was just as much a pawn as the pawns he used) do with their quarry. Secondly, my vision was blinded, blinded by expectation, by denial, by confusion...and as a result, I easily saw what Cherubimon wanted me to see, falling into his net easier than he himself expected me to. I can't say now what was the main cause, whether it was the tainted spirit of darkness, Cherubimon's influence, or the darkness that I had let out of my own heart; I think perhaps it was a combination of all three, but something made me more susceptible to that corruption. Later, after I was purified, I believed it was my own weakness, until the others showed me that outlook was just as blind as the one of Duskmon's. So now I don't really know which is the truth.

But once again, I digress.

At the time, rationale was on the horizon, and it was emotion that dominated. At that particular moment, it was helplessness at my mother's pain, and blame wandering in need of a direction; something which Cherubimon readily provided.

'Your father abandoned you and your mother,' he whispered in my ear, his arms around me like a warm embrace, more fatherly than the father whose touch I did not even remember. 'To begin a new life with another woman.'

That wasn't true, as I found out far later that he hadn't met Satomi till six years after the divorce. I had no way of knowing that then though, never having actually asked my mother about the reasons of the divorce, knowing it pained her to talk about it, nor my grandmother for the same reason until it became too late for me to ask.

It did seem the most plausible explanation, excluding the truth that they had simply fallen out of love and were unable to live together, choosing to separate, both themselves and their children so that they would at least have peace of mind...but that thought had never occurred then.

Hnn...maybe Takuya was right. That Cherubimon's control was more complex than simple brainwashing.

But at the time, I obviously remained oblivious. If I hadn't, what happened after wouldn't have occurred.

'Look, Koichi,' Cherubimon continued, ordering me in a tone I could not disobey, the hands around me applying a slight pressure as if to physically push me forward to look, and the same pressure echoed in my mind as though it too, were given a (mental) push...

...which was really what had given Takuya that idea in the first place.

The memory unravelled before my eyes once again, while the wounds the other had carved were still fresh. This was, after all, what he had intended, but I had been too blind then to realise that...or rather, until it was too late to turn back.

_I peeked around the corner, recognizing the place from my earlier scrimmages of the area. My brother's neighbourhood-how odd it felt to use that word: brother. Still such a foreign concept; I had, after all, been raised an only child for the most part. The missing piece of a life-long puzzle, the person who is meant to fill the void...and yet envy at how _good_ he had everything, and how he didn't even appreciate it._

_People say that one of the greatest sins of mankind is envy, and for a good reason too. They also say that the grass is greener on the other side; I fathom that even the happiest man alive would be ill content and in search for something more. In this case that sin is avarice, but in this case, not; I didn't want his life no matter what he had because my mother was still there, I just envied him for it._

_And somewhere along the line, that envy turned wayward, as all negativity does when held inside._

'_See you later.'_

_I peeked around the corner again, seeing Kouji leaving with his, our, father. Had I looked closer, I would have noted the almost transparent lines on his face, the slightly haunted and searching look in his eyes, but with the mere glance I spared him before my blood boiled and I pulled my cap over my eyes, I saw simply what the rest of the world saw, a successful businessman with a wife, a son, comfort...a perfect family, reinforced by the woman, younger than Mum, who ran out after them. His wife I presumed, Kouji's stepmother, and mine._

Her I could not fault; nor could I really blame Kouji, though in all unfairness I had done so. Once I knew the story, I couldn't even fault my own father for a marriage that could not remain permanent. After all, I would have to blame my mother too, and I could not to that even if she did deserve the blame. I couldn't even blame my grandmother for telling me the truth, though at many a stage I despairingly wished she hadn't, for all the turmoil it caused in my heart. Later, I would come to realise and accept that shock had just as much a role to play as all else: shock at my grandmother, ever lively till her last days, death, and the secret she couldn't bear to take to the grave, and everything after...

But then, I did not know, having never asked when knowing it would pain my mother (and grandmother when she was alive) to tell me. Nor was the leash tight on my emotions, and as such, blame was seeking a face, emotion a pinpoint...something which I unconsciously provided and Cherubimon amplified.

'Look at your happy brother, with his happy family.'

They did look happy, on the surface; it was only underneath, once the veil of honey-coated corruption was lifted, that I could see the sad undertones. Satomi...who tried desperately to fit into a family in which the father drove too hard for acceptance and the son refused both it and her. Koji...who was eternally searching for something even when he had all he needed, and wanted. Papa, who I can now call my father, trying to raise one son while wondering about the other, not interfering because he didn't know what his interference would bring, and not telling to bring fractures into a life which was as stable as it would get. They were happy indeed, but far from it.

Only then of course, I failed to see it. I have no doubt though, that Cherubimon had, because whatever those memories warranted, it wasn't hatred, pure as the dark coal that burns the fire and heats the air...after all, what reason did I have for hate that strong; even when anguish turns to anger, and anger to hate, such intensity is seldom seen, even less so when misdirected.

'What did you get?'

We'd lived well enough, I supposed. I never even realised what we didn't have until I saw Kouji's life. But I always had what I needed; Mum made sure of that. But seeing her sad and tired expression so profoundly and so recently so that the image burned behind my eyes, made me think of what she was deprived off...and forget the same for the other side of the equation.

'I got what I needed, but my mother...'

The words fell from my lips before I had even consciously thought them, and I provided Cherubimon with the perfect root. Ironically, that foundation was also the cause of the split which later occurred. And the unconsciousness by which it was uttered, in the voice which by then I _knew_ was my own...mine, not Duskmon's, told me that fate had intended things to play out this way.

Then however, neither Cherubimon nor I picked up on that little tidbit of information, and even if we had, what would it have achieved?

So naturally, Cherubimon snatched the statement like a frog catching a tasty fly.

'Ah, yes. Your poor mother.'

He sounded almost sympathetic, like he understood. Perhaps, at some more abstract level, he did; my own existence as Duskmon was a mere shadow of his own "evil", so to speak. And maybe that was why he was so desperate for me to remain in his clutches; my freedom would mean his own inevitable defeat and purification. Ironic how his insecurity was diametric to my own, and how the irony of these sort of things don't become apparent until past acceptance and true understanding.

And then his voice turned harsher, forgoing the soothing softness and giving the blame that sought a pinnacle its pinpoint.

'They are the ones that did this to her. Koji. Koji, your father...they're the ones who hurt your mother. They hurt her, they hurt you.'

I couldn't deny it...not because I knew it was true; the complete opposite in fact, but because I seemed incapable of doing so. Later, I would realise that from the very beginning I was incapable of direct disobedience; unlike the other warriors who joined Cherubimon's cause by their own free will and for their own means, I was born of him, and as a result, I was bound...

'Feel the darkness in your heart.'

...bound by the very darkness that sustained me, and ironically, saved my life and freed my spirit. Bound and freed by the same force...but darkness was truly a mysterious element. Who knows, maybe the corruption was because of the envy I carried inside, envy which turned to anger, and later to hate as it was left to stew inside while the calm exterior maintained its facade to the outer world...because the darkness had always existed, but not always in that form.

'That darkness is your greatest weapon Koichi.'

Anger, hatred...they were powerful weapons indeed, and I could feel that power, swirling around me, _in_ me, running through my veins, like adrenaline, only far stronger, far quicker, far more intoxicating...

'Use it, use it to destroy the light.'

It always came back to that. Like it was the rival that just had to be beaten. The obstacle that had to be removed. But afterwards we would discover that defeat itself was necessary, but not the capacity to which we, or rather Cherubimon, and to some extent I, had assumed.

But that didn't change the fact that light _had_ to be defeated.

'Light is pain.'

Pain...my pain. The pain that had plagued me for days...since the moment I had first lain eyes on his human form and the insistent human emotions had broken to the surface of my otherwise pure digital mind...I missed that, the emptiness that came with ignorance, the emptiness that I had once embraced until knowledge denied me that solace.

Even more so since it was spreading again, consuming reason.

'Destroy the light.'

If the light was the cause of my pain, then destroying that cause would end it. I could return to the void which sanctified my soul, free from hurt, from its echoes, its memories...

A scream echoed around me. A pained heart, crying out for solitude, for sanctuary, for peace. I wasn't sure then, it could have been my voice; it sounded vaguely like the human I remembered, and slightly more like the digimons whose forms I then embraced, whose spirits I carried, but in the undertones, there was something...more. Something that I was missing.

'Destroy your brother of light. Destroy Koji, and your heart will be healed.'

That was it then. It is strange how all contradictions are forgotten when one's mind becomes set on something. That pain grew, overwhelming me, consuming me, pulling me down into the depths from which there was no return. It took control, defining my thoughts, my emotions, my actions, and for a moment I felt distant, like I was watching things happen from far away, like my spirit was far from my corporal form, before it faded again. The scream echoed again, falling from my lips without a conscious command, but I knew then that no-one could really heal this heart. Better drown it...it was in any case what the Celestial Digimon had meant. And besides, some small part didn't really want to be saved.

I reached for the power hidden inside and yet at the tip of the fingertips. I envisioned the vulture sweeping on its prey, felt the rush of the wind against non-existent figures, and willed my data to adjust, my form to change.

And once the resolve was set and founded, directed with little effort, I uttered the words to command it so.

'Duskmon, Slide Evolution. Velgemon.'

The wings, no longer an image but a reality, stretched to their full wingspan. They glistened, not with light, but darkness, and raw power leaked as instinct took over.

I flapped then once, gaining height, before I let the wind carry me speedily to my destination.

* * *

Velgemon's form provided a new sanctuary to me that day. With Duskmon's, my human emotions got in the way, if the last few hesitations and consequent failures were any indication. But Velgemon, perhaps because it was a beast and therefore incapable of human emotion, lacked that shortcoming. It allowed focus, simply blocking out all other emotions save which were necessary, becoming almost mechanical in movement and control, a deadly force driven by anger, hate...and darkness.

Which in that situation was perfectly all right, as it was far better than pain and the undertone of human softness taking the way of the alternative.

The winds carried me, the height allowing me to see a wide circumference of the barren landscape. So it was, I spotted my target easily. Far later, he spotted me.

Like the vulture I was, I swooped down on my prey, pulling up at the last minute to avoid both a messy collision with the ground and an impaled human; I was angry, I was hurt, and I wanted revenge. I wanted pain, not mine but his, and it wouldn't do to finish him before he felt that.

And before he knew...because through it all, through the warped emotions that governed me, I wanted, no needed, him to know the truth.

He dodged, his much smaller frame almost flattening itself on the dusty ground in order to avoid the talons, before whipping up to avoid me as I came again.

It was a game of cat and mouse, a game which he would far quicker than me tire of. While patience was not exactly a virtue I could cardinally claim, it was by far his, thus it came as no surprise that the device, the D-tector, came out of his pocket, with data circling the other hand.

'Execute,' he shouted. 'Fusion Evolution. Beowolfmon.'

The wolf-warrior, the fusion-evolved warrior of light appeared as the light show faded. The light, while as Duskmon would have made me flinch, did nothing in the yellow-green haze which seemed an omnipresent part of my vision. Irrelevant. Useless.

'Please wait! I have something to ask yo-'

He ducks as I swoop down again, the base of my tail striking his back before lifting back into the air. His words echoed in my ears, but failed to register, as Cherubimon's words overlaid that, and whatever the other's could have accomplished, lost.

'_Your brother made your mother suffer.'_

I circled above, listening to the echoes of the not-so-distant past, the path I had been propelled onto, or propelled myself...

'I know you're human! Aren't you?'

'_Only darkness will free you.'_

A never-ending cycle...utterly futile, because while Duskmon contained some inner weakness, some small breach in spirit, Velgemon did not, a personification of death itself, a legend of the digital world, rarely seen but ever-feared, like the grim reaper which hovered on every other corner, ready to cease the expired soul once it crosses its time...

'Velgemon! Answer me!'

I swoop down, lower this time, teasingly lower, knocking him down with ease before soaring up, buffering against the winds, ignoring him, blotting out the light of the words with my darkness...and soon, him.

He stood.

'Listen to me!' he shouted again, persistently. 'Cherubimon wants to destroy this world.'

'_Light is your enemy.'_

Again, the cycle repeated. But that particular statement prompted more...useful action. Velgemon, while a bird packed with power, was not a body built for diplomacy, or as near as diplomacy as this confrontation was to achieve. Because words would be spoken, exchanged, understood...for both our sakes, this had to happen before the end, whatever end that would be.

So I slide-evolved once more, taking on the warrior form which had for long since supported me. Not as frail as the human, but more versatile than the beast. The balance, though itself unbalanced.

'Velgemon, Slide Evolution. Duskmon.'

The swords extended, with far more ease than it had before. I once said that the swords, while an extension of myself, felt wrong. At that particular point in time though, I would have to disagree with such a notion. Perhaps the one time they truly felt a part of me, when I truly _wanted_ to use them for what they were, rather than simply doing so as orders or semi-aligned emotions bade me. Only when it was of my free will that I took up the twin blades could I feel them a part of my armour, but even then, the reburied doubt, albeit weak, lingered. After all, it wasn't purely my will if Cherubimon's influence, and that of the corrupted spirit, steered me...but then who can say to what extent the influences split?

I let gravity carry me downward; it was a different experience to Velgamon's gliding, but still strangely similar. Fear echoed in the back of my mind before it was easily pushed into unconsciousness. I almost snorted at it; what did I have to fear from the air below my feet which parted to admit me?

'Beo Sabre,' Beowolfmon countered, revealing his own double-edged sword in order to push away mine. But while the gravity took from me in terms of overpowering strength, but gave in terms of agility, so I simple flipped behind him and repeated the motion, the other having less time to counter and thus unable to with the same efficiency.

We spring apart, our combat becoming a deadly dance of power, and as he spoke again, more.

'Why do you fight for the side of evil? You're human, just like me.'

The statement fuelled my anger, the emotion bubbling like a cauldron set to boil, and I found myself slipping further; my voice, overlain with anger and hatred, shouting at him. Trying to shatter his truth, his statement, with my own. Because he was right; I couldn't, after all I remembered, deny that I was human. Most of me wanted to break his ideal world, destroy his existence and then scatter the remaining pieces so they die screaming in pain. But a part of me wanted something else; wanted him to know the truth yes, but for different reasons...so he could save me, now that I could never save myself. A part so small that it was completely cloaked in the churning blood.

'Be quiet!' I lunged at him, the other barely catching and locking my blades with his own. 'I _am_ just like you.'

The majority of me relished the shock on his face; the pain that it caused to the slight shadow rang and then faded like the dull chord it was. But the feeling, the guilt for causing him pain, the concern, the humanity...it still lingered somewhere deep inside. Somewhere, I felt the anger fading like the irrationality it was; something was telling me that I wasn't him I should be mad at, if I should be at all...

'What?'

'Haven't you figured it out.'

My gaze locked his own brown eyes as they already had once today. But what I saw in them couldn't be more different. The struggle had frozen in a packet of time; the insecurities he had always held were out in the open by something he knew, but had yet to realise. Something he wanted, but feared. Something that would shatter his world and make it.

The swords unhinged from each other as those insecurities entered his voice as well.

'Who are you?'

Suddenly, it was as though my voice had vanished into my throat. My own insecurities burst to the surface, what had prevented me from reaching him in the real world, but whether anger or the other part of me pushed them down and forced the words out, I would never know.

'I am...Koichi Kimura.' Once that was said, the rest came easily. 'I'm your twin brother _Koji_!'

There was silence for a moment, before the shock exploded.

'What? My twin?'

'Yes. I am Koichi, your twin brother.'

Funny how the tables suddenly turned. He was now the one in denial, while I held the answers which could either spare him or bring him pain...only I had the choice, and whatever I though, he had not, because while he had seen, he had not understood.

He lunged at me; this time, it was I who barely held him off due to unpreparedness. 'Liar!' he screamed. 'I don't have a brother.'

I dodge the first clumsy swipe and catch the second with my own blades. Somehow his denial made things harder. The anger stirred again, but in the end, the desire to make him understand all won out.

I suppose what people say is true: the first intention is what matters most, not the effect.

'I'm not lying!' I screamed at him insistently, willing him to understand, _needing_ him to do so on some deeper psychological level, for both our sakes. 'When our parents got divorced, they each took one of us. I live with our mum.' We separated again. 'Our father took you. I didn't know it either until just before we came here. Sad but true Koji, we're brothers.'

He just gaped as I continued my story. It felt such a relief to get it all out into the open, like the weight of the world had lifted off my shoulders. Though some remained; like me, he held on to his denial.

'You thought mum was dead but she's not,' I continued. 'At least she wasn't when I came to this world.'

I thought about my mother then. I had probably hurt her more by vanishing like this. Did she feel like she had lost both her sons now? Or was she holding onto lost hope? Unlikely, as hope was something we normally forged. 'She probably thinks she lost me too,' I murmured sadly, picturing her face as her pain replayed.

He finally spoke. 'My mother...alive? But how can that be possible? You've lived with her all this time?'

He still denied it, and despite the fact that I could not fault him for it, his denial angered me. As my words angered him. 'You're just trying to trick me Duskmon,' he yelled, bringing the sword down again and forcing my own to rise up in a struggling defence.

'You think this is a joke!' I demanded, the anger being dug up again as I thought about the one person who at the time I could blame...

'Our father abandoned our mother and married that other woman!'

...which of course he denied for the same reasons.

'No! He wouldn't do that!'

We separated once more, and he looked in on himself, thinking about something, considering something. Then...

'This must be the mystery she was talking about.'

Something about his tone screamed acceptance, understanding, willingness...he was listening, he was seeing!

'You finally believe me?' I could barely believe it myself, and at that moment, pain consumed me once again, In that pain however, I could feel my anger and my longing for his acceptance and acquaintance separating into two distinct personalities...no, not my anger, but _his_. And that was what proved Takuya's hypothesis correct; to some level, Cherubimon's brainwashing had involved his own will imposing and merging with that of my spirit's.

I suddenly felt dusty ground-dirt beneath my knee, and knew that I had lost my stance and fallen. For a moment, I had my freedom, I was free from my own wrought chains enforced by outside forces, that which I had so desired save the pain that still to some level remained...but I knew it wouldn't last, so I said the first thing that came to my head.

'Koji. I got what I needed, but my mum...'

The words that escaped my mouth weren't in the voice of the digimon armour, but rather the human buried deep within the darkness of my own heart. Perhaps, at that moment, I reached the barrier which held distinct the human and digimon spirit within me, as for a moment, it was like I was _me_, the boy who had been overjoyed at the concept of having a brother, the one who had been saddened by the passing of his grandmother, who everyday witnessed the sadness and stress of his mother and tried his best to help, the one who chose to seek out the brother who knew not of his existence to bring a smile to her face, the one who's overwhelming emotions had set him on this path...but then, at the very moment the last words escaped my lips, I was an empty shell again. A drone, a mindless slave, a puppet compelled to act according to the will of the one pulling the strings.

As if the human part of me had been crushed by that one moment that separated the two forms, the two persona; not Duskmon and Koichi Kimura, but rather Koichi Kimura and Cherubimon. Duskmon was simply the result of which conscience was stronger.

And then, as suddenly as my freedom had been granted, it was snatched away. I felt Cherubimon's presence omnipresent, his conscience overpowering my own...and then I was seeing the drama play out as though through another's eyes, a bystander with no power to influence events at all.

But that doesn't mean I didn't know what happened.

I don't need to say it; you all know. How Koji's death was almost delivered for the uptenth time by what would always be his greatest adversary if it hadn't been for Takuya's timely interference.

First influences are quite a bother, but his recklessness was easily overlooked when he saved my brother. I gained a new level of respect for him that day, and I never got the chance to thank him for that too...

While human emotions had shackled me, they did naught to Velgemon when Cherubimon was in full control of the situation. It appeared I had done my job too well; Koji was unwilling to fight, Patamon's distraction technique, while achieving its short term goal, was about as effective as flies buzzing soundlessly, and Takuya, still as stubborn as ever but with an innate fire I was then for the first time realising the power of, trying to convince Koji to fight.

Koji does eventually, though I don't know whether for me or Takuya he does so. Either way, I had never been so glad as when he evolved once more.

And perhaps I was wrong in saying Cherubimon had full control. Because I know for a fact that the two, even if both were Fusion Evolutions and diametrically opposing Velgemon's power, if Velgemon had been at full strength, he could not be defeated by them.

And yet, the two attacks broke through and did what I myself had been unable, and for the most part, unwilling, to do.

They set me free.

I won't kid anyone here, the attacks hurt. Even if I wasn't the one in control, it was my spirit which took the damage as Cherubimon relinquished whatever hold he had on me. Perhaps you could say he abandoned me, leaving me in the hands of my once enemies, one of which the brother I had sought and tried to kill. And even as the pain consumed my senses and darkness, a different darkness that what I was accustomed to, blotted out my vision, I wondered how I could face them now, free but left to account for my actions, my emotions, which were now laid bare, and my own foolishness.

But his words, Koji's words, provided some comfort, the last words I heard before losing consciousness and surrendering to the nameless void in search for a sanctuary...

'Unwilling slave of darkness. Be purified by the light. Fractal Code, Digitize!'

And then there was nothing.

* * *

**Author's Notes**

That would be the end of episode 32. BTW, the last bit, the nameless void, is mentioned initially in the prologue.

Anything else...I don't know. It's pretty late, and I've got work tomorrow, so I'll just leave it at that. Any questions, just review or PM me, and I'll try to answer.


	9. Chapter 8

**Author's Notes**

All right, just the epilogue left now. I'll try to post it up ASAP, but I'm going on holiday soon, so I may not finish before I go. If I don't, expect it early next year.

And it reads a little contradictory from beginning to end, but that's just because his views changed more than once over the course of the episode. You just have to keep track of the changes.

Enjoy.

**Chapters remaining after this: **1

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Digimon or any of the characters in it. All I own is my writing and my personal opinion.

* * *

**Identity**

I am Duskmon...or so he says. There was always doubt, but so small that it was suppressed by unconditional loyalty. Till I saw him. Koji Minamoto. His light burned through my darkness, amplified my doubts. I hated it, but perhaps Duskmon was not who I really was after all.

Kouichi K

* * *

**Chapter 8**

I didn't want to wake up after all that. Every memory, every twisted scrap of emotion, every weakness which was so easily manipulated, they all burned in my mind. Darkness surrounded me yet again; really, when had it ever left me alone? But despite all it meant to me, it was my only safe haven, now that everything: the truth, the consequences of my weak-minded decisions and cowardliness, was out in the open.

But I was going to have to face the fire sooner or later.

And it was inevitable that consciousness was reinstated, and I crawled partway up to stare at my knees, and my hands, which had hurt and almost killed the two before me.

'What have I done? How could I let this happen?'

Rhetorical questions, and they just sort of slipped out of their own accord. Obviously, everybody present knew what I had done; they had all witnessed it. And I knew, I alone, though perhaps Cherubimon knew most, how I had let things occur as they did.

'Um...is he...'

It was odd, and slightly ironic, hearing my brother's voice so hesitant; he sounded more like me than I had since arriving here. But he had every reason to be hesitant. After all, before him was his once enemy unmasked, just a meek little human too weak to resist the pull of darkness and too cowardly to confront him when previous chances had arisen.

'Oh man. He's Duskmon?'

That was the warrior of Flame. Takuya.

'Huh?'

Confusion, on both our parts. Because it sounded like he recognised me from somewhere else...and I didn't remember him at all.

'I remember, it's him. The guy that came after you on the train to Shibuya. How could I forget that face? It looked just like you! I was there...well, I wasn't exactly myself, but I was there.'

He was blabbing; the detail wasn't entirely necessary, but it lightened the mood, if only the tiniest bit, enough at least for Koji to gain enough bearings to demand an answer.

'All right. Spill it. Is it true? I have to know, and I need to hear it from you. Are you my brother? And if you are, is our mother still alive?'

I just stared at him, every word I ever wanted to say to him dying on my lips as I force myself to my feet and my shaking legs to support my weight.

I've never liked confrontations; I've always avoided them when I could. But there was no running away from this one, and I couldn't help but think that if I hadn't run away earlier, I wouldn't be in this situation now.

But I was a coward, and this was the price for my cowardice.

The tone he used, harsh and cold like a rigid stone statue, made me think he hated me. I didn't blame him if he had; I didn't think I had deserved his forgiveness, or that I even had the right to ask for it. Even now, I didn't know how they could forgive me then.

And I still wonder at the ease at which they all had. Even Koji, who so rarely trusted anyone, and even scarcer, forgave betrayal.

Because what I had done was the worst betrayal I could have.

'Tell me right now!'

There was something vulnerable about that tone, but it was overwhelmed by the sheer necessity to know. I couldn't blame him; I hadn't really chosen the best way of explaining things to him, so it was no wonder he was demanding answers.

Pain shot through my skull suddenly, an echo; it may have well been there before I had regained consciousness, and I had simply failed to notice it till I was searching for any excuse to delay this inevitable confrontation. In any case, my hands flew into my hair on reflex, and I shut the visible world out by squeezing my eyes shut.

But I couldn't block out sound, and Koji's voice penetrated the darkness I had once again surrendered to.

'Hey? What's the matter with you? Say something!'

His tone changed again. It had almost sounded...concerned. In fact, it was a concerned tone, and at the time, it baffled me to no end. I had tried to kill him, multiple times, and here he was, concerned because of my pain, which was my fault in any case.

All I could do was answer to his demands, and so I told my story.

You all know it; I don't have to repeat it again. But explaining it all made me see my own shortcomings, my own mistakes, my own weaknesses that had been easily preyed upon by Cherubimon, and I hated myself more than I had ever hated anyone or anything before by the time I had finished. And I hated the darkness too, for all its empty promises and mindless power that I had succumbed to.

I couldn't look the others in the eye, couldn't bear to see their reactions. And even when the others arrived and they invited me to join them on the Trailmon, I couldn't look and see what I had caused.

I went with them at least; it served a dual purpose. I didn't want to be left alone on the Continent of Darkness, not after all that, and I doubt they wanted me wandering around in any case, whether they trusted me at the time or not.

* * *

The journey, for the most part was uneventful, and no one talked to me once we had bordered the Trailmon. I hadn't expected them to; I was however a tad surprised at the ease at which they had accepted my story, and the fact that they weren't on edge about having a once enemy in the carriage adjourning their own.

I mean, really, who in their right minds would _invite_ a potential enemy, someone who could have being lying to gain sympathy and could so easily turn on them and hand them over, or else attack (though the loss of the spirits of darkness put a dent in that possibility) with their guards down, to go with them to storm the castle of their once Master and rescue his most important political prisoner? Am I the only one who sees a discrepancy there?

Obviously, I had no intention of doing that at the time, nor any intention of returning to Cherubimon's side should he ask me to, but were they really that foolish, or that brave, to believe me without requesting proof of any sort? After all, we were fraternal twins, not entirely alike in appearance, and in any case appearances themselves could be deceiving. I of all people should know that.

And even if they had a well founded reason to tolerate my presence without being on high alert, wasn't there still the rather major factor of all I had done to them: all of them, though Koji most of all? How could they even _think_ of extending a hand to me and showing signs of cordiality and even friendliness after I had attacked and nearly killed them all? If Koji's sudden heroicness and his human appearance hadn't deterred me the second time our paths crossed, it was unlikely they would even be sitting and quietly murmuring in the carriage next to me!

At the time, I just could not understand why.

'Why don't they hate me? After everything I did...I tried to destroy them!'

Even after that first failure, my order to eliminate then had not been wholly deterred; the developed...obsession with the warrior of light had simply led to a change in plans. After all, he was one of them, and played an integral part in the team to boot, though afterwards I would note that they, or rather we, all did.

But still, now that my actions were in the light as so wholly misguided, I couldn't help but hate myself for allowing my weaknesses, my insecurities, my fears be twisted and moulded as they were. And then darkness, for doing it.

I wouldn't have blamed them if they had left me back at the barren landscape, courtesy of Velgemon aka. me. After all...

'I can't even stand me right now!'

And my head found itself back in my hands.

I lifted it a while later, between which the locomotion of the train had ceased, then restarted after what I assumed was a short break.

Thoughts exhausted, I took to looking out the window at the bleak landscape flashing past. It took me back to the beginning of my time as Duskmon, where I would watch the same scenes from the castle at the Rose Morning Star. It was a closer view now, and I couldn't help but wonder, seeing the scars far larger than they had appeared from the previous distance and height, and far more numerous as time had passed with the land in corruption as well as some of whom trampled upon it, if the eye of the typhoon still remained unscathed amongst the ruined continent...

Until Patamon suddenly appeared and blocked both my view and pending thoughts

'Did you know that light and dark are brothers?'

Startled, I could do nothing but simply gape at him. On the surface, the question seemed obvious; after all, was it not I who had originally (in this world anyway) revealed the relationship between the warriors of light and darkness? But one had to remember that Patamon, this one at least, was once one of the three Celestial Digimon, much on par with Cherubimon himself, and thus his wisdom extended beyond such superficiality even after his reconfiguration.

And he had earned my respect earlier that day, the way he had attacked in order to provide enough of a distraction even as he knew himself to be no match for the corrupt powers of darkness. His champion form, Angemon may have been more adept, but I doubt even that would have had much of an impact. The entire evolutionary line was strongest against evil, not the misguided corrupt.

And if you're wondering how I knew that, Cherubimon had us Legendary Warriors go to school, and as ridiculous as it sounds, they were a rather embarrassing experience. After all, how could a human turned digimon with amnesia compare to four legendary warriors who had lived out almost their entire life-spans on the same soil?

Of course, there was still the matter of the rather unexpected visit, so at the time, my mind was at a complete blank. Which prompted him to continue.

'It's true Koichi.'

Not that either of us believed I had doubted it.

'One can't even live without the other one. Darkness isn't a bad thing unless you chose to make it that way.'

Well...that put a dent in my self and darkness loathing.

And once I thought about that a bit, I realised he was right. After all, AncientSphinxmon was one of the Ancient Ten, and I would be very much mistaken if he didn't have enough goodness in him to band with the other nine and take down Lucemon. Not to mention the night, and the time for rest that it provided after the active days...

'You're right, and I guess, you would know, having been a great Celestial Digimon.'

But of course, I could never make thing simple for myself and accept such without question and simply release the burden of guilt.

'Unless you're just trying to make me feel better, did you really mean that?'

'Really silly,' he smiled back, and I had to smile too. His innocence really was contagious.

'Thanks Patamon.'

Then his smile faded, and so did mine as he shivered as though evil approached. And I couldn't help but think that that was exactly what awaited on the tracks, something I _knew_. Honestly, I don't know how Cherubimon had not occurred to me.

'Something wrong?' I asked instead, and instantly, I received a fear filled response.

'Yeah and that something's coming and its big and scary.'

Big and scary..?

'Wha-woah!'

I suddenly went flying as the Trailmon skidded to a halt, catching Patamon before he hit the seats and crashing into them myself.

Outside, I heard the shouts of alarm from Angler and the others, but it seemed so far away. They were outside, we, that is, Patamon and I, were in. All that mattered then was us, until we went outside too.

The little rookie was curled on my chest, one of my arms unconsciously around him while the other had looped around the chair in order to hold the position. He still shivered, but seemed more calm, more content than he had before as he opened his innocence-filled blue eyes and blinked up into mine.

Once again, I was looking into a pair of eyes and reading their story as they looked into my eyes and read mine. But all I saw in them was an old man's wisdom beneath a child's innocence...with fear of course, only fools after all did not fear, and a sense of tranquillity which I failed to understand.

Later, I would realise it was because he trusted me.

But then, the cries of spirit evolution and then the ensuring battle were too distracting.

I released Patamon, and headed for the nearest opening, the shattered window. It gave way fully with little effort, and the digimon flew out easily enough to join the other rookie digimon: the Bokomon and Neemon who accompanied the other five since the Flame Terminal.

I crawled through afterwards with not much more difficulty, though I misjudged the height of the carriage and wound up sprawled on the ground.

And saw Cherubimon in all his glory. Well, sort of. The others may have thought they had the real deal, but if I wasn't mistaken (and it turned out I wasn't), it was a projection they were facing, a mere scrimmage before the true battle...though he very well may have doubted that would ever come to that, seeing the end result.

'It's him...'

After that, I just watched the battle like any not-so-innocent bystander.

He laughed suddenly, and no wonder. Two fusion evolutions, two beast evolutions and a human spirit evolution, and they had failed to even produce the tiniest trickle of sweat.

Either they had seriously underestimated his skill, or Velgemon's had been seriously undermined. After all, if Cherubimon feared the beast spirit enough to bind it in chains and bury it in a chamber of _light_ to considerably weaken its prowess, then it must have provided enough of a threat to him.

And yet, Velgemon had been taken down by two fusion evolutions alone.

Afterwards, with thought processes not so plagued, I would come to the realisation that it was in fact _my_ reluctance which had caused the potent decrease in power.

And of course, Cherubimon, even as a projection, had no such inhibitions. Or so I thought, until something else made me change my mind.

'This isn't working,' someone, I think it was Korikakumon, said, sounding slightly panicked. Understandable, as if he had taken their best shots and survived without a sweat, they were in serious trouble.

Though they were yet to show their worth.

'Well,' Beetlemon on the other hand sounded a tad more confident, or more reckless. For a moment, it reminded me of Agunimon's own recklessness in taking on Duskmon, a seriously misjudged action which had almost resulted in his life. 'He is the big boss. We have to tag team him.'

As they did with Petaldramon, though I suspected that even such addition would do little. Each Celestial Digimon was linked to the elements bestowed upon them, and in walking distance of the castle, and the Chamber of Spirits, the increase in elemental power was that much more potent. And seeing as though the others' powers were diametrically opposing those that he leeched power from, it would take a lot more than a simple combination to disintegrate an image made of pure darkness within the Dark Continent. 'Korikakumon, I think it's time we break out our combo attack.'

'Right.'

But they had proven me wrong on occasion, all the warriors in fact had underestimated them...and payed the price. So I just watched.

'Here goes nothing.'

It seemed Aldamon too suspected that it was a foolhandy method, as he turned to call them back...

'Wait a minute!'

Too late.

'Proton Slam! Avalanche Axes!' the duel voices roared, unleasing the thunder charged blades which tucked themselves neatly into his fur.

'How's that feel?' one of the two asked, thinking their attack successful.

'Ah...how refreshing.'

Obviously, it had not been. And they, all of them, simply gaped as he puffed out his chest to send the blades back.

'My turn.'

The blades released, like a boomerang on its return trip, and the two, the warriors of thunder and ice too frozen to move out of its path...

'Oh no!'

Until Aldamon stretched his wings and blocked them with his arm guards.

Beetlemon thanked him, and he took it in stride, absorbed in the challenge before him, as he always was.

And I found myself hoping he wouldn't do anything rash...

Then he surprised me by using the same combination which had defeated Velgemon: a Solar Wind Destroyer followed up by a Frozen Hunter, courtesy of course of my brother.

'That did it.'

Not at all...as he was still relatively unscathed, after taking the best they had to offer at their current level.

'It did?'

His voice no longer sounded of intoxicating honey; rather, it was scorning, teasing to an alarming extent. I cursed myself further for falling for it. 'It just showed how pathetic you are.'

The atmosphere began changing then, like he had control over the weather and the sky himself. Perhaps he did, perhaps his powers over lightning allowed him to stir nature's order to his will. I had never till then seen him attack before, as he had always had pawns to do it for him while he simply reaped the reward...funny, I seem to remember accusing Mercurymon of the same thing.

Then he smirked, and it was nothing but an enemy about to crush his opposition.

'You've had your chance,' he smirked, raising his hands to the sky in turmoil. 'My turn.'

'What is he doing?'

I wondered, naturally, having never seen the Celestial Digimon in such action. Evidently, the others were just as confused, as they simply hovered uncertainly, before suddenly black thunder, dark as his heart drowned in darkness, crashed down with his roar.

'Storm of Judgement!'

Thunder danced and flickered, and the digimon in combat barely had time to move before the storm was upon them. Me, I just stared at the flashes, having no time to run for cover and no use for it, simply closing my eyes against it to the light which flashed through my eyelids, awaiting the pain...

'Koichi!'

Only, it never came.

I opened my eyes at Beowolfmon's shout, to find him crouched in front of me, blocking the storm and keeping me safe from harm.

After all I had done to him...something painless stirred in my heart, and my soul. And I found my newfound courage as the last remnants of the storm faded away and he collapsed in his human form. Because something about seeing him in pain _hurt_, just like his presence had brought me pain before, and then I truly understood what the cause of that pain had been. Love, the conditional love, fashioned at birth and unbreakable even when broken, the love that shone bright no matter how deep it was buried in hatred. The love that always existed, always shone, no matter what one or the other did. The love which had saved us, both me and him.

The digimon ran over.

'Is he alive?' Bokomon asked, frantic, and I picked myself up while trying to voice the very same question. All that came out however was the name, but it was enough.

'Koji!'

'Never felt better,' he forced out.

Somehow, that answer reminded me of my mother. I suppose it would; he was her son, as much as I was. Blood ran thicker than water after all.

'Do you suppose he'd want a rematch?'

And I figured it was time I lived up to that.

'I'm disappointed.' Cherubimon again, gloating a victory, and anger rose again, though this time for a different reason, and I think more justified. Either way, I shoved it down; I didn't want to face the consequences of anger once again. 'I expected at least a shred of challenge today. And _you_.' This time, he looked at me directly. 'How pathetic, losing to _them._'

That made me temporarily lose my careful restraint. It wasn't pathetic; it was the best thing that could have happened. I hadn't lost to them in any case...the only person I had lost to was myself.

And to an extent, him.

'I'm glad!'

I ran forward, ignoring Koji's shout from behind me as I continued my pent up tirade. Perhaps I so desperately, like the time my memories had returned, wanted someone to shift the blame on to, not wanting it as wholly my own.

'I lost when I listened to you! You made my fight my own brother!'

Cherubimon said nothing, though his tone changed, becoming softer, sweeter, essentially like the honey he had fed me before.

'It was your choice. Isn't that what you wanted?'

'No!' I burst out, but even as I said it, I realised that somewhere deep down, I really had wanted it. Because of what he had, and what I did not. Because of what I envied about him, what he had and disregarded while I wanted it. 'You lied to me! You used me!'

'You're wrong,' he stated simply

'What?' I breathed, looking up slightly. I shouldn't have, and I shouldn't have asked the question, but I had to know, had to know his reasons for why, his explanations...however twisted they were.

'I merely set the stage. The Spirit of Darkness chooses its owner. To be selected, one must possess a very dark heart. Otherwise, the spirit's powers, are useless.'

A...dark heart?

'I offered it to many before you, but the spirit rejected them. One after another.'

Was it really that rare then? That powerful? That...evil?

'The power of Darkness is your destiny Koichi. It's where you belong. Accept it, and be my servant once more.'

I looked down; there was no denying that. But maybe...

'You've only tasted a fraction of the great power of Darkness. I'll teach you everything. Time to choose. What's it going to be...Koichi?'

He looked at me, and behind me, I heard Koji shout again in desperation, thinking he was about to lose me again.

'Don't listen to him! He's lying!'

...the darkness he understood was not it as a whole.

As Patamon had said, darkness isn't a bad thing unless one chose to use it that way.

'No, it's true,' I said calmly, facing the facts head on for what was probably one of the first instances of my life, and certainly the most important of them. 'My heart was filled with anger and jealousy, and darkness became the only comfort for my pain.'

I heard a heart-wrenching cry behind me, and for a moment, thought back to an identical boy uttering the very same sound. Then I lifted my eyes, gaze set, and faced the darkness head on.

'But that's in the past. I don't want revenge anymore. I'm done hiding in the dark.'

I turned back to my brother. Freed now of my anger and jealousy, though make no mistake that they did not exist, I could weigh my options without influence. And having seen the other side myself, the promise of power, the emptiness associated with it, I decided I'd take the truth with whatever pain it caused.

Though it appeared that I had underestimated both Koji and my father in that regard as well.

'I'd rather die than betray my brother,' I said solidly, turning back to Cherubimon. And I meant it. And likely, with no weapons nor means to defend myself, that pact with the angel had been sealed.

And I couldn't help but feel sorry for him too as he raised his hands to the sky above. Because he didn't have a brother to do what Koji had done for me. He didn't have anyone.

'So be it.'

However, I had not counted on what happened next.

'Koichi!'

It was Koji's shout that alerted me, that panicked, drawn out shout suddenly changing tone mid way to become nothing short of surprise.

I was tempted to turn, but proved within a few seconds to be unnecessary as light suddenly bathed me in its luminescence.

And it felt like nothing I had ever felt before. Nothing like the painful recognition and the burning sensation it had previously caused.

And a device appeared before me, black, with coated grey grips, and my hand reached out of its own accord to clutch it.

'A D-tector...'

It fit snugly into my hand, as if it were always meant to be mine. And then, with that calming, powerful, pure light was something else as well. Complementary but opposing, something protecting, sanctifying, powerful...but nothing like the empty power.

'The spirits of Darkness are changing.'

Then that was true darkness, I thought, watching the D-tector accept them.

'Koichi?'

_I feel it..._

And I really could, the cool, comforting power that flooded through my veins with ease as though it had always been there...and now that I thought about it, maybe it had.

_The power of darkness. But it's different now. It doesn't have to be evil. The pain is gone. I'm not afraid anymore._

Because darkness was darkness. I hated it for a time because I feared the monster I had turned into, but it was but an element like the others, though perhaps the most easily corrupted. It was I who determined whether it be used for good or evil.

And that pain...because I had refused to accept it.

But no longer.

'He's discovered the Spirit's true power!'

I looked up. You know, "big and scary" didn't seem that frightening any more.

'Yeah...'

I lifted my left hand into the air, letting a ring of fractal code appear around it, before bringing it down and scanning the data through the device.

'Execute, Spirit Evolution. Lowemon.'

And then, there was a new Warrior of Darkness.

'I'm having trouble keeping up here,' I heard Neemon's confused words. 'Didn't he used to be Duskmon?'

'He used to be. Now he's a completely new one.'

No, not completely new, but that wasn't important right then.

'Impossible!' Cherubimon, on the other hand, in contrast to the awe of the others, sounded slightly...scared. 'Somehow you've awakened the true power of Darkness.'

I said nothing, simply reaching for that same power to blast the being before me into oblivion. I had the power now, and I knew my path; it wasn't to banish the light from existence, it was to coexist _with_ it.

The shadows converged as I called them to me; on the darkness plane, the Celestial image and Warrior of Darkness were on near equal footing as we both drew power from the same source, and the two were thus equally distributed in that power. In this fight, I had something more, the light behind me, the one who had saved me from my own darkness and helped the spirits purify; whatever everyone else says, I know it wasn't me alone.

'Shadow Meteor!' I cried, letting loose the power I had accumulated, blasting him back. He faltered, and I immediately sent him another attack, causing him to drop to one knee.

I'd be lying if I said it hadn't felt good to hurt him, no that it was the main objective, but I was glad that it was a projection, and not the real digimon, because after everything I had done, I wanted to end the evil, and I _knew_ that he was just as misguided a soul as my own had been. And based on that, I didn't want him destroyed and forced beyond redemption.

After all, he deserved that chance as much as I did.

And I knew he did. He wouldn't have asked for me to come back otherwise, while ruthlessly abandoning Petaldramon and Ranamon to their own teammates. I think we were more similar than the others realised; my own loss meant his own inevitable defeat, and that scared him more than the return of the ten legendary warriors.

Or perhaps they scared him the same; after all, it was the power of the ten legendary warriors combined which would inevitably defeat and purify him.

'Keep it going Lowemon!' Koji cheered, pulling himself up.

I smiled to myself, if even just a little. The teamwork that had sustained their foundations was now including me as well. And it was then I understood just how much power came from that simple faith, and I leapt into the air.

'This nightmare's over!' I declared. Not just my nightmare, that of Duskmon's, of my fear and anger and hatred, but his as well. Defeating this image, here and now, would mean, and did, that the power to defeat him in all his glory existed within the six of us, inheriting the spirits of the ten Legendary Warriors.

Cherubimon noticed that too, so he tried a final, last ditch effort, summoning a spear of black lightning and aiming it at my chest.

'Lightning Spear!'

I had anticipated that though; one did not train night and day under the toughest regimes of the world without learning how to fight. And so I prepared, a slightly risky endeavour although if successful, well worth the risk.

Besides, I highly doubted it would be as bad as Velgemon's first flight.

'Lowemon, Slide Evolution. JagarLowemon.'

The new beast form was highly agile, and while powerful, had controlled power as opposed to the rawness of the vulture's. Far from a harmless cat, and a very useful beast spirit, as I bit off the sharp end of the spear with ease before trotting along it towards my target.

It was easy to control...well, maybe 'easy' wasn't the correct terminology, but there was indeed a certain affinity. Perhaps the spirit understood my desires; to fix the evil I had contributed to, to protect the people I had tried to destroy, to truly understand who I was...but it submitted to my will, and the ease followed.

'Prepare to be illuminated,' I growled, voice deeper. 'Ebony Blast.'

Small pistons of darkness erupted from my mouth, causing the Celestial Digimon to howl in pain.

'How does the darkness taste now?'

That was another rhetorical question, more a reference to the temptation to anything else. Till this day, I wonder if he had understood what I had truly meant by that question; it sounded too much like a snap of revenge than anything else, and to the others, it seemed possible too.

After all, I had never discussed this with them.

My paws hit the ground, and seeing the black eyes staring back at me, I prepared myself for the final blow, rubies on my armour glowing red as I collected the darkness into my own body.

I faltered for a moment, thinking back to how it had eliminated all else, but then I remembered Patamon's words again, and the feeling as the spirits returned, and the small fear vanished. He wasn't real, it wasn't real, and the darkness was simply directed by my choice.

And I had chosen my path, despite the detour I had taken in doing so.

'Dark Master!' I cried, springing with the power surrounding me, an after image, that of a magnificent lion, clawing his way through the data as I followed it. I landed hard, skidding a bit, but triumphant, though not wholly so.

After all, I had defeated the image, a step away from the real thing. I had protected the ones I had tried on many an occasion to destroy, but...

'He did it!'

No, I hadn't really. Defeating a projection was nothing like the real thing, and there was so much more that had to be done before then too. How could the ten legendary warriors go into battle like this? We may have fought side by side, but not together, and far from a team. After all, there was still the matter of what I had done, and the obstacles that obstructed our relationships.

I owed my life to them, and they did not carry grudges from age to age, and that was enough...for now. Later, not, as the blocks obscuring our full potential had to be removed.

And in time, just as those obscuring the truth had been, they were, with the unintentional help of a psychopathic serial killer, but that's another story.

It was the way of nature after all. We, simple exploiters of it, had no such power to wholly deter it.

And you know what, for the first time since arriving in this world, I was glad of that.

Because I wouldn't have known myself without it.

Or them.


	10. Epilogue

**Author's Notes**

Well...what's left to say. Another ending to another story, though I must say I'm a bit sad to see this particular one go. But everything has got to end some time, right?

Thank you to everybody who's stuck by this story and me as I've written this, with quite a few delays, and enjoy the last chapter of **Identity**.

**Chapters remaining after this: **0

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Digimon or any of the characters in it. All I own is my writing and my personal opinion.

* * *

**Identity**

I am Duskmon...or so he says. There was always doubt, but so small that it was suppressed by unconditional loyalty. Till I saw him. Koji Minamoto. His light burned through my darkness, amplified my doubts. I hated it, but perhaps Duskmon was not who I really was after all.

Kouichi K

* * *

**Epilogue**

It was a long journey getting there, but as with life as a whole, no moment is ever wasted in the long haul. Some of you may think that Duskmon was defeated and that was the end of it...but that's not true. Because Duskmon hadn't existed at all except as a product of my own emotion.

I am a human, and all humans have shortcomings when it comes to understanding and controlling their feelings, because the very nature of emotion makes it wholly uncontrollable. That being said, it is impossible that Duskmon would ever be gone for good, even if the conventional form had been essentially purified into that of Lowemon's.

Duskmon wasn't inherently evil; after all, he was, and still is, a warrior of darkness. A form of the human spirit, a form of myself...and it was I who determined that form, if so unintentionally. It had reflected my state of mind in the first evolution, the one I had remained in for months afterwards, and despite the other factors which had affected it, the fault was still partly mine. But it was, essentially, a flaw in human nature.

That is also essentially the principle of any human-digimon hybrid, as we six of the ten legendary warriors are. Human strengths and weaknesses combine with that of the digimon spirits' to form a being more powerful than both, and yet weaker in conjunction. Digimon feel, but they are incapable of the complex emotions and levels of humans, and ironically, this serves as both a strength and a weakness.

After all, emotion invites passion, which is a force which can surpass any digimon potential, but it can also be the means of hesitation and defeat. What had defeated Duskmon in the end.

Perhaps it is easier to think of the two, Duskmon and Lowemon that is, as my own darkness and light. But that too isn't as accurate an analogy as they may be. After all, the two are interchangeable in nature, as Koji and I demonstrate many a time.

Now about Lowemon, the form of the human spirits once they had been 'purified'. I think, sometimes, that even that word failed to encompass the true process, but as it is impossible to describe, I will have to be content with that.

In any case, Lowemon symbolised the flip side, the side of protection and what others deemed to be inherently 'good' darkness. But there was always something missing in that form...as there would. After all, goodness fails to exist without evil to compliment it.

Call it a paradox if you will, but darkness itself is so wide a scope that I think no-one can ever fully understand it. I myself have only ever seen two sides...well, three if you wish to count death itself as a part, but I cannot pretend to understand its full parameters.

That is just the way of darkness.

And in a way, me. Because while the journey showed me a side of myself I had not known, it was inconceivable that I would ever know myself inside out. The scope of our minds was too limited.

But that does not mean the journey ends here.

After all, I can't say I'm one thing or another: Human or Digimon. Good or Evil. Things just don't work that way. I am Koichi Kimura, but I am both Duskmon and Lowemon too, Velgemon and JagerLowemon...and one day I could discover a new angle of my identity.

Because the entirety is something that hovers always out of reach. Like a puzzle, with the final piece eluding all.


End file.
